eat these crumbs

The home stretch

2011-06-07T13:08:00.004-04:00

I am so fabulously lucky. I met an amazing man who fell in love with me, despite being separated by an ocean and thousands of miles. Not only did we conquer the small statistical probability of us ever meeting, but we then continued to reign victorious over the difficulties associated with mixing cultures and an ongoing long-distance relationship. FOR SIX YEARS. We developed understandings about "putting the suitcase in the boot", "carrying a fanny pack", "a minging hairdo on a slapper", "getting my bangs cut", "going out on me tod", "what's up?!" and "football." And it's been lovely.

Still, I dream of more. More days spent with my Sweetheart, more adventures, more memories, more happiness. And so we were married 24 October 2010 in the hopes of really being together, more than just a few months of the year. And now we're in the home stretch, having submitted Noel and my applications to the British Consulate. All that's left to do is to wait....just a little bit more...

Dear Santa Claus

2010-12-20T16:54:00.003-05:00

Let me start by saying that I'm sorry I haven't been perfect. As usual, I see some room for improvement. Also, let me apologize for not sending my Christmas list earlier. I guess that I thought it was perfectly clear what I wanted and I thought buying the plane ticket would be enough, but as it turns out, it wasn't.

So here it is. Skip the material goods and just bring me my Sweetheart. He's in England and I'm in the U.S. We were in the same position last year and I hated it. So, we got married. We had been "together" for more than 5 years on different continents, and I was tired of being alone most of the year and on important holidays and birthdays. Although I spent my 2010 New Year's, Valentine's Day, birthday, and Thanksgiving alone, I thought that my Christmas was going to be different. That's why I married him on October 24th. That's why I planned the wedding, paid his airfare, and decided to move to England: because I didn't want to be alone, anymore. Still, although I am "Rebecca Anne Bachmann Ross", I am not yet allowed to move to England. We cannot be together there until a considerable amount of paperwork is signed and every "i" dotted and "t" crossed. So in the meantime, we are relegated to visits. Since we've been married, I spent our one month anniversary alone. Yet, I was pretty good, and I called on every bit of reserve patience to wait-it-out as calmly and nicely as possible. "It's only another 3 weeks, and then we'll be together." Just wait, be patient.

That leads us to now, with every ounce of patience spent, Heathrow shuts down. Flights are canceled, with no way to rebook until after Christmas, until after my second month's anniversary spent alone.

So, Santa, you know that plane ticket I bought? Could you please make it work and deliver my husband safely to me? His flight is tomorrow at 9am.

Thanks so much.

Sincerely,
Becky

Fix it Dear Elisiah, Dear Elisiah, Dear Elisiah....

2010-03-07T19:37:00.000-05:00

Gordon Brown made a grand gesture a week ago, apologizing for having banished British orphaned children after WWII to a country on the other side of the world, where many were maltreated for years, spoiling their childhoods at least, leading to life-long hardships often. Yet, still ingrained in British culture is a lack of appreciation for childhood, as evidenced by the prevalence of the very manageable “children’s disease”: lice. Currently, head bugs are treated as a socioeconomic issue, such that teachers are banned from even mentioning the presence of these pests, as if such talk infringes on a person’s rights, as if it is a problem of the poor. On the contrary, the bugs do not discriminate and do not ask salaries before feasting on one’s blood, although they do prefer a clean head.
In contrast to the situation with lice, rules exist for other medical conditions, and a child displaying signs of flu, for example (e.g. vomiting), is sent home. Why? Because diseases such as the flu are contagious, much like head lice, and precautions should be taken to minimize the spread. Unlike the flu, however, head lice can be easily cured. So, given all of these medical facts, why is this vector of disease for blood-born pathogens allowed to continually infect the children of England and the adults who work in the setting? My only guess why an easily curable disease is not managed properly is because it has been classified as a “disease of children”, who sadly, are still not made enough of a priority in British society.
The British government needs to step up and establish rules regarding the medical condition, in order to stop the continual infestation of their own children. Children infected with lice may have a hard time focusing on school, similar to working in the presence of a very sore ankle or an itchy spot of dry skin. Imagine trying to learn whilst your head is constantly itching. Put simply, managing this problem is part and parcel of providing a good school environment. Rules and measures must be implemented for the good of our own children, but also for our friends’ kids, and importantly, for the teachers, as well. Members of Parliament, please imagine working in a setting where there is a constant threat of catching itch-inducing bugs. And, best of all, this issue is NOT akin to solving world hunger; it is easily cured.

At the busstop...

2010-01-08T20:17:00.002-05:00

...I came to a new understanding of my position on gun ownership. The gentleman across the way seemingly has a direct line to the heart of crime in the area, and consistently reports about the newest incidents. Today's news was regarding 3 nonfatal gunshot injuries at a local school, and it immediately got my dander up.

It's not too hard to figure out why: I have a 7-year-old attending a local school. The thing that is hard to determine is why the hobby of a portion of Americans is given precedence over the safety of the rest of Americans. According to a national survey by the National Institute of Justice, ~25% of adult Americans own guns; presumably only a portion of those owners actually engage in the sport of hunting.

Notably, hunting is NOT a necessity. We have plenty of shops to handle our food needs. In comparison, the other major source of deaths in America outside of medical conditions, is from trauma due to car accidents. I think that we need to consider the risk of getting into a car accident acceptable, considering the benefits we obtain, most notably in transporting us to work and school. However, the benefits of allowing a portion of Americans to own guns are unclear at best, while the risks are obvious and significant. A report from the CDC's National Center on Health Statistics described 721 accidental deaths by firearms, 17,348 suicides, and 12,129 homicides in 2006 alone.

Let me put it another way. There will inevitably be crazed people in the world. An insane person with a knife can damage and possibly kill 2-3 people, while that same person with a gun easily gets into the double digits with their homicides. The intensity of crime when guns are involved is so much more amped than those without. Which brings me to the other classical reason for gun ownership: for self-defense. Well, in a world without gun availability, there would not be the same level of concern for self defense. And frankly, there are plenty of other methods to put someone down without killing them, thereby allowing you to find safety and call law enforcement.

Guns accessiblity needs to be controlled. How about the creation of areas where guns could be borrowed for the day for on-site hunting? The goal is not to suppress those who enjoy that sport, only promote the safety of the rest of us.

Congress, give us healthcare!!

2009-11-08T02:49:00.002-05:00

Personal stories of medical tragedies from Canada and the U.K. have circulated in the heat of the healthcare reform debate, along with myths and outright propaganda (e.g. Republican Chuck Grassley claiming that Ted Kennedy would have been left untreated, to die in the U.K.; Sarah Palin and death panels). Unfortunately, doctors in all parts of the world are not perfect. Iatrogenic disease (disease caused by medical [mal]treatment) is all too commonplace in all healthcare systems and will remain so at least until personalized medicine—a focus on each individual patient’s background and presentation—takes hold. For example, the Institute of Medicine has estimated that as many as 1.5 million people in the United States experience preventable medication errors, such as wrong diagnoses, bad treatment choices, wrong dosages, etc. that lead to negative consequences, including death. Hence, there are plenty of personal horror stories out there of mistreatment in medicine. Still, there is no excuse for a first world nation adopting continuing blanket policies that abandon the food or healthcare needs of its own citizens. That is not the same level of negligence as isolated case stories of bad medicine.

And indeed, the United States does not measure up in the statistics. Overall, the US is listed as 37th in healthcare, behind the United Kingdom (18th) according to the World Health Organization (WHO), the leading international health coalition. Ranking according to life expectancy also puts us behind the UK (14) and Canada (12), at 24, while we are second from the top in the amount of money spent on healthcare. The assertion that we have the “best healthcare in the world” is not necessarily wrong, it just needs to be followed by “for those elite that can afford that care.” A poor or middle class citizen would fare better in a socialized country, where the common man is given regular treatment and preventative care. The British have a system with an option to pay for additional insurance that offers further care benefits, beyond the basic public level that insures people no matter how rich or poor—all British citizens have the right to health care. In stark contrast, the current American system is hallmarked by refusal of insurance, and hence, care, especially for those with chronic conditions who have “preconditions". With regular checkups and good preventative care, the development of disease is identified and halted at an earlier stage, potentially leading to a longer life.

Inherently, the premise of the American system is wrong. The main goal of the insurance industry is profit; hence they endeavor to serve only the healthy in order to maximize their earnings. Thereby this allows the top insurance companies to pocket billions of dollars in profit, making them the most profitable industry in all of America in 2006. Instead, the health care system should be a service industry, focused on the well-being of the citizens of America, enabling us to be more productive and better contributors to our society. Oh, to live in a country where upon arriving to the hospital, the doctor’s first question is, “Where are you injured?” instead of, “What is your health insurance coverage?”

A call to inquire about the stance of our Congressional representatives, Senator Schumer and Representative Lee landed me in a discussion with an employee for the latter regarding why he was voting against including a public option. “The government should not be involved in healthcare” was quickly discounted as it was noted that the government already handles the healthcare for older adults (Medicare), veterans, and disabled Americans (Medicaid). The phone lackey then quickly retorted that the public option would be a financial loss to the US government (i.e. taxpayers) as, for example, Strong serves the Medicare population and operates at a loss to the tune of 7 cents out of a dollar. Inarguable facts, however, the populations in question are groups of individuals that require more healthcare than any other group: the elderly, veterans, and disabled. The public option would serve the rest of us, many of whom are healthy, thereby not requiring the same level of care, or on other words, the same expenditures.

The leading body of physicians in the United States, the American Medical Association, as well as others (e.g. The American Association of Emergency Medicine and AARP) support a public option for health insurance, as do the majority of American people. Congress, who do you think you are representing? Health insurance companies? I have never seen one of them at the polls in November.

Labeling

2009-03-04T08:28:00.002-05:00

While words like socialism and nationalization (and even the C word!) get bandied around in accusatory tones, it occurs to me that Bush and his cronies got off the chopping block way too easy. I am not sure why developing a few socialized principles into reality, like making sure that the more than 40 million Americans who are over 65 years get health care (our frail parents, mind you!) gets lashed with so many negative responses. Does it occur to the naysayers that they will age, and indeed are doing so at this very moment? Are they so unwise to think they would never be in such a position when they are old, where health insurance becomes an extra instead of an essential? I'm sure our elderly did not conceive that this could happen to them either.

In contrast, the NY Times published an article yesterday detailing some of the executive privileges that the Bush administration took over the last six years (post 9/11). During this time, they took, "a broad interpretation of presidential authority, asserting as well that the president could unilaterally abrogate foreign treaties, ignore any guidance from Congress in dealing with detainees suspected of terrorism, and conduct a program of domestic eavesdropping without warrants." First of all, this has been presented as if it's new news. It's not. We've known about these unauthorized extensions to the executive branch for years now. What I want to know, is why there hasn't been more figure pointing, more attention, more labeling of what our government was becoming...an oligarchy?...monarchy?...dictatorship?!!! Only once have I seen the mainstream media explore this path, in which, notably AFTER the 2008 presidential election, Bush administration was referred to as the "Imperial Presidency."

And meanwhile, we the people, what are we going to do about it? Step 1, change direction. Check: we've elected President Obama. Step 2: Ensure this executive exploitation of power does not happen again?

Happy Birthday Dr Seuss!

2009-03-02T14:21:00.003-05:00

Single Mothers Rule the World

2009-01-14T00:03:00.003-05:00

..well, at least you would think so, with the amount of credit that Ann Coulter gives them. Apparently single mothers victimize others according to recent interviews and her book chapter entitled "Victim of a crime? Thank a single mom." With that kind of blather published by Crown Publishing Group, I have gained real hope that I will become a book author, since my standards for content are incomparably higher.

Oh and another excellent supposition by the blatherer: the liberal media promotes single motherhood. Yeah, that's right, if you replace the word "promotes" with "supports"....just a BIG difference, actually. No one is ADVOCATING for more young ladies to grow up to become single mothers. Liberals don't dream up princess stories about becoming a single mom when they grow up. Rather, liberals are just practical enough to know that it happens, that it is REALITY, and they try to be supportive. What's the alternative? Is Ann Coulter promoting abortion? Or would she rather exterminate pregnant unmarried woman? What's the use in her rhetoric?

And that brings me to my next point. Her rhetoric is utterly useless. There's no solution that comes out of her blather, just as there's no wisdom either from that childless spinster. Truly, her suppositions are broad generalizations, and as always generalizations are false in many case and point examples. For example, she is blonde and skinny, so applying her (lack of) thinking approach, I would have to assume that she is a dumb, bulimic, bimbo, who can't drive.

Ooooo, I just slammed women and why do that; I'm female? Just another example illustrating why part of the reason the whole attack by Ann Coulter seems so hurtful, is because it seems that she's targeting her own. But really, considering what a venomous bitch she is, I guess she hasn't; she hasn't uttered a single hurtful sling at female snakes.

Scripted

2009-01-11T12:23:00.005-05:00

Recently, in a social network conversation, I was told that my response was "scripted" and "liberal". I found myself plummeted back into the recent memories of the Republican propaganda machine, where good qualities were magically transformed into questionable traits. In this special take on the world, excellence in discourse is deemed "talking above the American public" and even meanness, and responses like "You Betcha" and winking is considered real American language. I guess a portion of the American public believes that international diplomacy is better done with being nice and showing a little leg? I can see that going over well in a visit to Parliament. Expertise, and heaven forbid, an advanced qualification is considered elitist in this crazy world. I wouldn't necessarily agree with that, as the US Census Bureau data for 2007 indicates that 2,496,000 Americans have doctoral degrees. Doctoral programs are very accessible to the middle class, and entrance and completion of a PhD are primarily based on hard work and commitment, NOT connections-as is implied by "elitist" (unless we start talking about the Ivy League.)

Still, should having spent at least an estimated 20,000 hours devoted towards the study of one focused topic deem you more knowledgeable than the average person and worthy of being listened to on your studied topic? Probably. In fact, it may even be considered wise to listen the thoughts of a person who has devoted their life towards the pursuit of knowledge (often without reasonable compensation, and thus, no other motivation than "to know"), of course, concerning their area of expertise. It will always disturb me to ponder how well respected the opinions of celebrities are: people who have risen to their status based primarily upon looks, connections, and acting/singing talent. I would hazard a guess that none of those qualities make celebrities any better able to logically think, weigh out risks and benefits, analyze data, manage a business, or apply both detail-driven and global perspective to decision making.

So right. Scripted. Someone told me what to say or even better, I just copied it from the internet? Wrong. How about, my answer was well thought-out and well-written, thank you very much.

Generalisms are Clever

2008-12-26T16:13:00.004-05:00

“Just goes to prove, women can’t drive!”

As you can imagine, I didn’t take kindly to that comment, uttered halfway through my shoveling of the 2 feet deep snow from the 10-foot length of driveway. This woman takes cares of things and does a damn good job. I wasn’t actually the target of the comment; although, I did catch the rebounding shrapnel from it, as did half of the American population. The deduction capabilities of the insulting grisly old man had much to be desired. (“Young” versus “Girl”? Let’s blame it on gender…) The car stuck in the 3-foot bank of snow was obviously the result of the lack of experience. The teenager driving the auto had had a license for less than a year and was experiencing her first snowfall with significant accumulation. Imagine…she didn’t know the tricks of handling the car in that setting! Shocking? That old man better never leave upstate NY, or he will quickly learn how inexperience and bad weather shouldn’t, but often DO mix…

My 6-year-old and I drove from Rochester, NY to Columbus OH two days later. The 6 hour 45 minute trip took just under 10 hours. Of course there were driving winds, slush, and beating freezing rain to contend with. Oh, and accidents so fresh on every highway that I traveled on that most of them did not have emergency personnel present yet…rather, only lights in the distance. And then, they started closing off parts of the road (although, a couple of us drove across the median to avoid the queue…I’m not implicating anyone in particular though.) And then 20 miles down that expressway, all the entrance ramps were blocked and cops corralled us off the road. I took a gamble with the first road that said south…a local road, but still ended up sitting for 30 minutes from another 3-car pileup. With a bit of direction, I found a connecting interstate that did minimal damage to lengthening my trip and soon it was just the truckers and I. Well, we did pass a sheriff at one point. And with such open road, despite pounding rain, I started to grip the steering wheel with less of an iron grasp. And just when my tensed back muscles started to let go a little, we came across another pileup—which included a lorry, and the car’s tires crunched as we passed the accident scene and the resulting shrapnel. Fear of blowing a tire in combination with the icy road surface had me sufficiently tensed for the rest of the journey. Nearly 2-dozen accidents from the start of our journey later, we arrived to our destination.

Wait, I forgot, I can’t drive.

British female voice "Hello. Your call cannot be taken at the moment and you cannot leave a message"

2008-11-12T11:51:00.003-05:00

Wow. Well that doesn't leave me with many options, now does it. Call back again sure...[presses in the 12 numbers required to dial international numbers, again, an hour later]....same thing. Well, I guess that rules out the call-back option, too.

Am I being sensitive, or would you say I was being given the V-sign, the English equivalent of the middle finger, generally accompanied by "Fuck-off"? What if I also told you that the reason for the call was regarding a visa I applied for (including paying a $430 fee) 1 YEAR ago but have not even been considered for, due to technical issues with their application process? That this phone call was one in a bucket of phone calls (some at $3.00/minute), emails, visits to the Consulate (with travel costs totaling more than $1000) and faxes made over the past YEAR in an attempt to resolve this issue?

Well, good job to the British government for minimizing the immigrating and visiting riff raff, including those small business owners with PhD qualifications in science. I am feeling more than disheartened; I am feeling exhausted from the battle.

Love 0 points; British government 10 points.

Peace

2008-11-07T09:51:00.003-05:00

One of the salient and sad aspects of the McCain-Palin campaign focused on presenting Obama as Muslim. (Recall chants of "McCain not Hussein!" at rallies for instance.) Millions of people in the world are proud to be Muslim, but here in the US, certain factions consider calling a person "Muslim" a way of name-calling. The reason? There is a negative connotation associated with "Muslim", an association with terrorist activities, for example. I find this to be very strange, given the long history of war and even terrorist activity associated with almost all religions, notably Catholicism.

As was aptly put by a professor of Islamic studies at George Washington University in Washington:

“Certainly we cannot claim that violence is the monopoly of only one religion.”

Truly any large group of people, regardless of where they live in the world, their ethnicity, or who they call god, will harbor a small extreme faction prone to violence. We cannot judge any group solely by their fringe faction(s) or we will find that we will be forced to bring judgment on ourselves as well.

Cheers to Americans!!!

2008-11-05T09:29:00.001-05:00

I feel proud to be an American. Americans have come together and demonstrated that collectively we are beyond prejudice, that we will elect the right man for president, whether he is black or white. And I have never seen anyone who is so obviously the right man for president. President-elect Barack Obama is a brilliant, steady-handed, inspirational leader who has consistently made decisions out of principle, not ease or self-benefit. I will spend the next four years in tears, because even as early as the Democratic Convention speech in 2004, his words resonate with me so completely that I often tear up with happiness that he so completely "gets it."

Strange

2008-10-25T09:10:00.002-04:00

Noel opened her eyes and told me straight away this morning:
"I wish I was allowed to call you 'Turkey' instead of 'Mommy.'"

There's some brilliance in there somewhere...I just can't put my finger on it. ;)

Noel told me tonight...

2008-10-16T21:55:00.001-04:00

If you were at a shop,

I would buy you.

*heart warms*

McCain, please tell me,

2008-10-16T11:18:00.002-04:00

Is recruiting Sarah Palin your best example of good decision making?

Can we expect more people of this quality in your dream US administration?

Debate Resuls

2008-10-07T22:50:00.002-04:00

The results of the debate are in!!

Six-year-old Americans resoundingly support Barack Obama...I know because my daughter tallied the data:

And I quote...

2008-09-29T08:03:00.001-04:00

*eyeslids shut*, a whisper is uttered...
"But first of all, before I get ready,

I DON"T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL."

And there's the Monday morning blues.

Generation Gap

2008-09-23T19:11:00.002-04:00

When posited the question, "What is the difference between texting and emailing on your phone?"
My Mom quickly replied, "In emails the words are spelled out."

In contrast, the wisdom of today's technology has filtered down to my 6-year-old. Any unknown. No worries, she'll point ya in the right direction. "Google it," she instructs.

Change?

2008-09-07T10:46:00.002-04:00

I love the current Republican platform. "Change." Seriously? If that's what a voter is going for, then why vote for the same party that has screwed up our economy and foreign policy for the last 8 years?

Burning Question

2008-09-04T12:17:00.001-04:00

I would truly appreciate some good advice on how to get a ticket to attend the upcoming presidential debates. I have a burning question. I have many misgivings about McCain, not least of which is his involvement in the Keating 5 scandal. I truly desire an opportunity to ask him what his involvement was, as I strongly feel that we need to have a president that we can trust with our currently fragile economy. The following is the current draft of the question that I would like to ask Senator McCain.

"In a time of economic crises for many Americans, I would like to know how we can trust you, Senator McCain, who was one of the Keating 5 of the 1989 Savings and Loan scandal with the American budget (put deeper into dept than ever during the Bush administration) or Governor Palin, who unlike the rest of the 49 States has had to "deal" with a 5 billion dollar surplus in her budget due to revenue from oil. Senator McCain please explain your involvement in the Keating 5 scandal."

Listeners Wanted

2008-09-01T13:17:00.001-04:00

Dear Mr. Obama,

As a doctor (but “not the kind that helps people”) and single-mother who moved to the UK to escape the embarrassingly terrible policies of the Bush regime, I need to thoroughly thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for dedicating your life to public service—a life that I realize cannot be easy. You have provided me for the first time with a candidate that I am supporting because you uphold the principles that I value, and stand for and issues that are key to the wellbeing of the United States, and indeed the world. I feel that you make choices based on what is right, not what is necessarily easy or lucrative. Please continue on that path; please continue to make me proud to be your supporter.

In return, for my birthday I am asking my conservative friends to listen to one of your speeches, and trading favors for the same, as well. Although I generally cringe at books in the “self-help” genre, for my mother-in-law, I will read “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” in exchange for her listening to your Democratic nomination speech. So, please continue to make me proud, indeed even often tearful with your words, and I will do my best to recruit listeners.

All my best,
Rebecca

Fairyland meets internet

2008-06-09T23:45:00.003-04:00

Three mornings ago, Noel woke up declaring, "I believe in fairies!!!"

Then, she asked tonight...
"Does peter pan still come to windows?"

And the kicker, she also had a way to sort this out this very critical question, made all the more important because she has decided that she does not want to go grow up.

Even in the 6-year-old world, the all-knowing GOOGLE has made a presence.
She insisted that I get onto the computer and pose the question to google (which she even spelled out for me, just to make sure I got it right.)

We found, "Children will still come to Neverland..." SO, she went to sleep assured that she would have her turn soon.

Thank you, Google. And good night.

Potato Tits

2008-02-09T07:03:00.000-05:00

I've been helping out in the kitchen lately. No, no...I'm not saying that I just recently started feeding my 6-year-old, I mean I've been helping out in the SCHOOL kitchen. Along with that comes the oven burns, flour hair, and local stories of other kitchen chefs.

One particular noteworthy one made it impossible for me to stay away from the blog (despite previous months and months of impressive sloth). Try to digest the following....Apparently, one unfortunate day, the head lady of the nearby school set about mashing her potatoes with particular fervor and zeal. In her haste to prepare the lunch, she neglected to don the required, provided apron. In fact, seemingly she must have been in a rush all morning, as she must not have managed to dress in a bra, or for that matter a shirt with coverage, because during the height of mashing her tit fell out into the potatoes. Yes, that's right. Go on re-read it, but it'll still say the same thing.

Now this hasteful woman could have tried to cut her losses and dip the tit in cool water, and get on with the mashing. Instead, she is suing the school for her burn and subsequently has had to produce said burned tit for her male supervisors. Frankly, it makes me wonder if there have been previous kitchen incidents involving head trauma....or maybe it's all down to natural genius?

Science and Religion

2007-11-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

Current Biology: "According to a study published last year by the University of Minnesota, Americans distrust atheists more than any other minority group, including homosexuals, recent immigrants or Muslims."

YIKES.

But, the Englishman to the rescue of American politics.....

"The Democrats and Republicans may be preparing for battle in next year's presidential election but Richard Dawkins is on a new battle bus promoting atheism. (Photo: www.richarddawkins.net)

Dawkins appeared as one of the stars of the Atheist Alliance convention in Crystal City, Virginia, last month. He admitted that he was a little bit hesitant about being an Englishman talking to Americans and he showed “a certain amount of deference” when asked about US politics. “But I think that this country is so powerful and what goes on politically here is so enormously influential, the rest of the world is entitled to have a say.”

Although religious groups denounce him on websites and radio talk shows, he has not received abuse at public meetings; religious people tended not to turn up — “which in a way is a shame”, he said."

Yeah, basically because even the biggest religious zealots know that they would, as an old friend would say, be ripped a new asshole.

November 11, 2007

2007-11-11T18:15:00.000-05:00

It began a very rushed, but somber, wet day. Remembrance Day. The British day that memorialized the end of WWI: when the guns fell silent on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918. We traversed train obstacles and crowded London streets to watch the marching armed forces place their poppy wreaths at the Cenotaph. Then we meandered towards some guards for some photo ops and found ourselves heading in the direction of Buckingham Palace, so we went with it. I got a refill on my lavender scent at the Queen’s shop and we walked on, being led by our tummies now. We decided to alight at Leicester Square for a little romantic Mexican treat. It was the sight of one of our first dinners in England and one of the few places to get that ethnicity food in England. My, I felt so satisfied with our day, especially after the nachos and Mexican melon drink, a burrito with sides of beans and rice with guacamole and salsa, and topped off with some fried ice cream. I popped a fuzzy toothbrush in my mouth and then we rolled on.

But we didn’t make it that far. Yards from the restaurant-front the European premiere of Beowulf was kicking off—fire, furred drumming Viking men, big screen, red carpet and all. And then the stars came out. We watched as Neil Gaiman, Crispin Glover, and Anthony Hopkins strolled their way down to the Vue theater. Then Ray Winstone graced us with his gentlemanly presence. He kindly autographed a paper for Noel and called her a “Sweetheart” before generously continuing on to sign his name for a good portion of the onlookers. Then the (embarrassing) shrieking began. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie emerged from the just arrived Mercedes and immediately became the center of attention. They waffled this way and that, signing for the demanding crowds as they went….until they drifted to our corner. When Brad spotted Noel, he stopped, took the notepad she offered, and after signing his initials collected Angelina in order to do the same. He pointed to Noel and she flashed a brilliant smile before autographing the notebook and handing it back to Noel. Brad Pitt is a good guy.

(Paul has an even better picture of Brad pointing at Noel to get Angelina to sign...)

The sweet moment

2007-11-08T10:50:00.000-05:00

The sweet, sweet moment of finally being able to flush the toilet with a button after weeks of using a bucket....was lost so quickly when my glasses dropped from my face, bounced off my 5-year-old, and then straight into the bog....

Erm

2007-06-24T20:19:00.000-04:00

Mom: "Remember for next time, OK?'

Noel: "I already stuck it in my brain."

....."but I think my brain's a little itchy."

Happy Birthday, Stefan

2007-06-11T23:50:00.000-04:00

Tonight, at least 50 people assembled at the YMCA where my brother was a lifeguard for the past 6 years. We read a poem he wrote, sang a song written for him, sang an Irish Blessing, shared memories, and planted a sugar maple tree in his honor. We cried, got to know each other, ate barbeque, and missed Stefan together.

Still, there are moments when I feel like I'm in a movie, that this can't really be happening, that my Stefan can't be gone. I feel like there has got to be some alternate ending to my choose-your-own-adventure story. I just need to go back and re-read the path that I want...I just got sidetracked along an untrue, unwanted story-line.

I miss my brother so much

2007-06-09T22:32:00.000-04:00

I still cry often, and sometimes daily for stretches of time. I've started running lately (in the hopes of playing football/soccer), but often tears start streaming down my face mid-run. These are the same sidewalks Stefan and I trained together for our Virginia Beach half-marathon.

I really hope that he can read my mind now….
Because there are way too many things that I never told him.
For example, although I don’t typically associate superheroes with the people that I know, whenever I would watch the newest Spiderman movie, I would feel as though I was watching my brother. He was always understated, underappreciated, undervalued. I never told him that he is the only person that I associate a superhero with.
I also never told him about the negligent lifeguard who did not move an inch while Noel struggled underwater and her 5-year-old friend attempted to rescue her and was pulled under herself. I was stuck in another room watching from behind thick glass and traversed the complicated maze of dressing rooms, shower rooms and other pools before getting there myself. That day I had written: “Now there is the lighthearted, “I need a drink” [giggle]. That was NOT how I was feeling. Instead, I had a rare bout of the other kind of need-a-drink: the kind where you have a pounding head and an image burning in your mind that you are desperate to forget.” I spent (it felt like) hours explaining to the young lifeguard and her supervisor how negligent that she had been and couldn’t help adding that my brother who lifeguards (and saved 2 kids-that we know of) would have been irate.
We never got to show him how Noel could ride her bike, sitting so straight with a proud smile on her face and wind whipping through her fine hair. My brother owned nearly a dozen cycles, in part so that he could loan them out while he worked on a new person to come along with him for a ride… He raced in the tri-borough bike race in NYC just 2 years back.

And I can’t help thinking: I want MORE. I want more time, more laughs, more memories, more conversations, more outings, more drinks, more, more, more with Stefan.

Request to the World

2007-05-08T12:39:00.000-04:00

The Legendary Stefan James

Typically stories about my family center on Stefan. Tales of bee stings to private places that make most squirm, peeing on a stranger’s sandaled foot to the chagrin of a young lady, her muscle-bound boyfriend, and my gentle father, and dropping shorts in front of a loaded school bus. He has lived things that we only do in our dreams and nightmares.
He had a way of bringing us together. We learned to say “I love you” to each other regularly because of Stefan; we remembered how to hug, too. He was a nurturer: caring for others was his mission in life. He saved lives through his lifeguarding; he just simply made so many others happy by his unassuming ways and sweet, self-conscious smile.
He was the most hard-working person I have ever met in my years filled with self-motivators and high achievers. He was well-intentioned and sweet-hearted, brave and giving. He was confused and soul-searching, sometimes muddled, not always happy. He was quiet, often times a mumbler, often times perky-almost bubbly for a 170 pound boy. Stefan was not wise, but his gentleness and kindness overflowed. He was cute and nervous, yet brave about so many things. He was talented and clever in a reclusive way. Even as a teenager he had camping and fire-building skills that made grown men jealous. He was a brilliant photographer and never endingly giving. He was heart-achingly good, oh-so-good, the best of people you could ever be so lucky to know.
In lieu of the loss of my spectacular brother and what he regularly contributed to this difficult world, please spread kindness, nurture a plant or tree in his name, and help those who have needs that you can attend to. He would want that and that will best keep his memory and address the cavernous void in community service that developed Saturday April 28th at 6:50 am in the morning when my 28-year-old brother was hit by a train and killed.

Breaking news

2007-04-10T17:57:00.000-04:00

Rock on. The lil'un braved the hard concrete jungle of our neighborhood on only 2 wheels today, and without me to complete her balancing act. I am super proud *puffs self up* It appears it's time for a bike holiday...

Wales: Tintern Abbey

2007-04-09T06:16:00.000-04:00

Virginia Waters

2007-04-04T09:32:00.000-04:00

i come from a gang-bang background

2007-03-27T13:28:00.000-04:00

Well, not really...but despite my straight and narrow path, me like Snoop, was refused a work visa by the UK Home Office. Of course, they did not have to cancel any of MY concerts... ;)

The most appreciated invention. (IMHO)

2007-03-23T15:55:00.000-04:00

TP. Bog roll. Toilet paper.

It’s a lovely thing, especially mine because it has a gorgeous lavender scent which permeates the bathroom and beyond.

I got to thinking this morning about what people used before Joseph C. Gayetty invented TP in 1857 (a product that has his name imprinted on every square…the man was obviously clever, but with ideas that were not so well thought-out). I was pondering the nice plant we found in Virginia Waters with undersides to every leaf that rivaled that of a sheep or Malden Mills best polar fleece for softness. Although, I couldn’t imagine that sort of luxury would be available regularly when you would need to do your business out in the woods. An then there would be the unlucky soul that managed to pick the prickly, or even worse, itch-generating leaf. Really, with encouragement like that, it’s amazing the first bog paper didn’t come about until 1857 IMHO. And then there are other pleasant thoughts along those lines…Northern Tissue advertised “splinter-free” TP in1935, insinuating that there was (cheaper) take-your-chances, splinter-infested toilet paper available. Mmmm…that’s a treat, “No wood fragments up the bum today, Mom!”

Of course all these ponderings were sponsored by this book, in which young orphans were so maltreated and neglected that they used their hands to clean their bums and then wiped their soiled hands on the walls….

Now go on, what invention do you particularly fancy, then?

Beach Bums

2007-03-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

I have a new friend

2007-03-17T07:26:00.000-04:00

She gets me into new kinds of trouble.

Three nights ago, it was the "tupperware party" that involved lingerie and dildos. I won a whip, and won a contest involving licking out the white cream from a chocolate egg held between another lady's knees (whom I had never met before). It was a laugh.

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to keep my friends. Whilst describing our intentions to visit Paris in the near future to one of my friends back in Connecticut, I included how I was luring my 5-year-old into getting excited by telling her that we were going to visit where Madeline came from. Madeline-the little French cartoon girl-"In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines lived 12 little girls in 2 straight lines, the youngst of which was Madeline." Only, on this particular day, what slipped out of my mouth was "12 straight girls...." to my lesbian friend. Of course, my embarrassment caused me to repeat the phrase a couple of times whilst I fumbled to right the situation. She was patient.

And then there's my blog friends, whom I have become desparately sporatic with. Despite our friendships initiated from flickering screens and one-sided conversations, from our flimsy beginnings strong bonds have been foraged. They are patient too.

And finally, my long-time friends, whom I miss quite dearly. But, they too are patient and know that they are in my thoughts, even if I have not called in ages.

All this, born from reading another book, loaned from my new friend; part of a genre I consider "perspective reading." It's sort of a morbid St. Patrick's Day celebration (the Irish, my ancestors would not be proud: "where is my drink?"); a memoir of the the disturbing childhood of Kathleen O'Malley, set in Dublin, 1950. The traumatic events, but even more the appreciation of a tasty bit of bacon, a velvet-collared coat, hair ribbons, or the way your Mom curled your hair gently and told you you're beautiful....how can we not appreciate our lives and what we have? So cheers to my friends; you mean everything to me.

daft Sod

2007-03-08T05:59:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's me.

I'd like to say it was the three rum-and-cokes or the pot-haze or heavy pounding in my ears....but really there's no excuse for the muddled response I had to meeting Cate Blanchett at the Nine Inch Nails concert last night. While being jostled by the crowd, I murmured, "She's famous" to my Sweetheart, apparently not too far away from Cate. She turned around and asked me, "What?" And me? I was dumbfounded. I was quiet for a few moments....just long enough for a throng of black-enrobed, pierced, colored and spiked-hair concert-goers to shove themselves in between us as they struggled to arrive at the exit. And then she was gone from view, likely on the streets of London, not on her way to the tube, like me. I was left mumbling about Elizabeth the I, the elf-queen in the Lord of the Rongs, and the witch in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe-and my favorite of all-the seer in The Gift.

What should I have said? Should I have sung my praises of her acting skills, tripping over myself to express just how moved I had been by her films? Ranted on about how she's been my favorite actress for several years gone? I think, had I been in a clear state of mind, I would have asked her what she thought of the concert.

There's this emoticon...

2007-02-21T10:41:00.000-05:00

..that perfectly describes how I am feeling today. It's this little red-faced dude that bounces his head off a wall, over and over and over....

I found out today that due to an unlucky collection of circumstances, I will likely never be able to get a UK work permit (I've only been trying for near a year). Apparently they prefer lazy scabs here.

My lovely daughter screamed throughout a 5-10 minute (felt like 2 hour) walk through a grocery store today. Her face looked purple by the end of it.

While attempting to help retrieve her bike, my daughter and her friend locked me out of the house with no one left inside except the cat. I rummaged around our driveway, found a coat hanger, and used it to pull open one of the window handles. I broke into the front of our house. I figure I should keep my coat on, as I'm sure the cops we'll be round soon to arrest me...it's that sort of day.

The conclusion of the whirlwind tour

2007-01-29T08:07:00.000-05:00

Virginia...Connecticut....Pittsburgh....New York City...all in a month's time.
it was lovely....but time to go home....

He missed his best friend dearly....

2007-01-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

Noel's best friend, Bryant, composed his 2006 Christmas List. Amongst the toy trains and usual boy toys, there was something special..."a sleepover with Noel."

Earlier in the year, Bryant entered kindergarden. It had not been an easy transition, despite his cleverness and experience with organized child programs. He was still the youngest in the class. He pined for loud silliness with his best girl friend....

As you can see, he still believes in Santa Claus: Santa delivered what he wished for most.

Bubble-wrap Bride

2007-01-28T13:45:00.000-05:00

London lights

2007-01-27T13:41:00.000-05:00

Refuse me anything?

2007-01-26T13:36:00.000-05:00

I dare you!

Success!!

2007-01-25T13:33:00.000-05:00

Second thoughts....

2007-01-24T13:31:00.000-05:00

Should I?

2007-01-23T13:27:00.000-05:00

Sampling Lever's driving in the Lake District...

2007-01-22T07:31:00.000-05:00

without being in the car. ;)

Images of the last couple months...

2007-01-21T07:21:00.000-05:00

(I'll give ya more, but let me just tease you with a little taste first...)

Ya know....

2007-01-20T04:53:00.000-05:00

Showered....dressed.
Ready to go.
Time to get the lil Lady.
Right. And the volvo.....is not working. *sigh*
OK, time to fire up the 'ole leg power.
After navigating the debris of the back driveway, I push off toward the school.

Me in my nice outfit complete with black pointy high heels pedaling away with the caravan in tow....
Round the roundabout...down the lane...over the Curly Bridge, avoiding the doodoo...slow passing along the mucky path...around the tree-branches littering the walkway...less than 10 minutes late.

Turn back around...fighting the blustery winds...navigating around the clumps of blinkered Mums....sugar low (oops, forgot lunch)...starting to sweat...goddamn that volvo....f'it, I'm walking.

Favorite Request of 2007 (so far)

2007-01-16T05:49:00.000-05:00

[early morning hours]

Noel: "Mommy, I look cold."
"I need a hot cuddle."

Favoritye New Word: 2006

2006-12-30T10:34:00.000-05:00

secretagogue

The School Report

2006-11-29T17:58:00.000-05:00

And I quote, "Ruben tried to get my knickers!"

And I know he was a BAD BOY, because he was described as having a Big Skull bracelet with lots of Fire all over it.

Do the right thing.....

2006-11-07T05:19:00.000-05:00

Alright boys and girls.
This is it.

A.) VOTE. VOTE. VOTE.

B.) Get your friends/neighbors/loved ones/co-workers/enemies voting as well.

C.) Get your priorities straight. Enter the voting booth and for once, instead of thinking about your bank accounts, think about minimizing the deaths of our fellow Americans. Don't allow any more soldiers to be sent away; don't allow the executive branch to have their way. Show the world that we ARE a true democracy-even if the popular vote did not successfully elect the president that we wanted, there are checks and balances....

And if you can, please....

P.S. If you vote based on family values, you better read this... http://select.nytimes.com/2006/11/01/opinion/01talkingpoints.html?pagewanted=all

Close calls

2006-10-24T11:11:00.000-04:00

We needed some chocolate chips; we needed a pizza tray. Now. These were the reasons I had to fire up the ole' Volvo engine and venture out into the world, driving on the wrong side of the road. Well, to me anyways.

We made it safely to our destination and acquired the goods. *ahem* Acquired them legally, that is, what were you thinking?!?

There were a couple of disagreements over who should carry the size 5 child's coat, and an accusation (while hungry) from the little one that I, "hurt her eyebrows." erm....

After a bit of dilly-dallying with good intentions (buying presents for little bundles of joy who will be arriving soon), we made it back out to the parking lot to where the nice parking ticket man was standing next to my car. He was busy poking at buttons on his machine when I said hello. He apologized, then after a few moments told me: "The paper is stuck in my printer. You will get away before I can give you a ticket." This sounded very racy and illegal to me, so I asked for further clarification. He said that I was not going to get a ticket....which was especially nice because it would have put me back a hefty 30 pounds sterling (obviously I should have inserted another 40 pence into the meter.)

I felt pretty good about it, especially because this trip's close call was only a parking violation...not the moving violation that I earned (but did not receive) the last time I was on the road.

Now to be fair, the last time I was on the road was also the first time that I had driven in England. So, maybe I shouldn't feel too bad that I almost crashed at a roundabout on the way to the store, then drove so cautiously home that I was passed by a scooter. I'd say this times close call with a parking ticket was head and heels above that.... ;)

Strange Love

2006-10-14T07:22:00.000-04:00

*crying*
*wailing*
*crying*
hmmm.....
*jog up the stairs*
*crying*
"What's wrong?"
"What's WRONG?"
*crying*
"C'mere, I'll pick you up..."
*gush*
*wetness*
*dripping*

Friday the 13th ended with my daughter releasing her full bladder on me. She wasn't awake and seemingly doesn't even remember it today.

Grumble, grumble....moan

2006-10-13T05:27:00.000-04:00

HAZE....
TAPPING.
FURR.
TAPPING.
TAPPING.
WET.
eh?
"what's that?"
*sniff*...
RECONFIRM
*sniff, sniff*
"My ARM!"
"Here smell my arm."

You know that Friday the 13th has kicked off in resounding glory when it's encroaching 4 am, and your arm and sheet next to your head (READ: nose) had cat shit on it.

Notable observations

2006-10-12T12:05:00.000-04:00

Before noon, I had received 47 SPAM on an account that I typically receive 2 per day.

There was a veritable poop mine on the Curly Bridge today. I like to tell myself that I managed to avoid it all.

The shopping mall had a advertising nugget that assured me that people are the same everywhere. It read, "20% off all Birthday cards!! Hurry, before Christmas!" Erm. That was precisely the same sort of logic that convinced Americans to go to war with Iraq in order to thwart Bin Laden and to make us safe from future 9/11s. Never mind that Bin Laden was either hanging in Pakistan or Afghanistan. But yeah. People have striking similarities despite the different places they call home.

And forgive me political rant. It's my parrr-ty and I'll cry if I want to... ;)

Dying for a present

2006-09-14T17:31:00.000-04:00

Snow Day….er, except without the snow. Instead, this 2nd school-free day in a row was sponsored by the Plumber’s Association and the Bloke who Unloaded the Pipe-Clogging Turd. For me it just meant another day battling 4-year-old boredom while struggling to write a manuscript. Oh, right…and yet ANOTHER day that I couldn’t venture out for Lever’s present.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

So it came right down to the wire. I woke up today, Lever’s birthday, crossing my fingers that the plumbers had sorted things out, that the rain would let up, and that I wouldn’t get desperately lost on the way to procure Lever’s present. In typical form, once I found myself free—thanks to school re-opening, I managed to procrastinate leaving the house with a million meaningless tasks. I finally printed my directions, swallowed all my misgivings, jumped on my bike, and headed towards the forest…

Considering that I had never ventured anywhere significant by myself in the 4 weeks that I had been living here, except by foot....oh right, and then there’s the fact that my route involved a foray in the woods that I had seen only once before….oh, and the fact that the path was of the nature, “Turn left by the old oak tree, then take a right at the thin, pine-needle path, etc.”…oh and of course, the last half of the trip was a combination of bad google map directions and my own improvising….it was a MIRACLE that I found the shop in the next town over 4-5 miles away. I was mud-spattered and wet and more importantly, seriously regretting the white shirt and no bra combination. But hey, bike store, Baby, I made it (and maybe a wet t-shirt discount, too…eh? eh?) I made my purchase, frequently glancing at my watch and acutely aware that I had a mere 40 minutes to pick Noe up from school (and I DID get a discount, but I’m guessing the guy was just trying to butter me up for future sales.)

I sped towards home trying to remember every turn and bend in reverse while ignoring my muddy, aching thighs. It worked for a surprisingly large part of the journey, until a young, camouflage-clad man standing next to a red flag stopped me. Erm…right, gravel road in the middle of nowhere…pretty empty except for the large gathering of military men in a field. He told me that I couldn’t go on, that they were conducting detonations and were “live” at the moment. I put on my best smile and in my American accent pleaded that I couldn’t find my way home unless I could continue on the path. He looked at me sympathetically and walked back to his unit to inquire about the situation. Happily, the British army let me go and I steered around their live ammo.

I did make it to pick up my darling 4-yr-old, a mere 5 minutes late, with the Birthday gift in my backpack. I was tired and very satisfied, having braved the wily paths and the dangerous roads of Farnborough and Fleet, UK….

Cheers my dear Love, Lever. Happy Birthday!

Foisting culture on Farnborough

2006-08-31T07:21:00.001-04:00

The Americans have landed!! The Americans have landed!!

;)

And furthermore, this is what we've done....

We barely managed to get in the country before a terrorist threat
virtually dropped the movement of all UK airports to a
standstill....of course customs did give us our own special
run-around. Then, apparently we were distracting enough to cause a
minor accident on the way to Farnborough that same morning. *whew*
Despite that, we're all in one piece.

After a quick morning trip to the pike-y fair and a full day's spent
at the zoo, I got liquored-up with new British friends while our
lovely kids jumped late into the night on a bouncy castle. It was fun
for all.....even for the poor Sweethearts that had to drive us home.
We bought 'em dinner...er...sort of. We actually just paid for our own
and made use of the 2 for 1 dinner deal. They're still in the dark
about that, though. Shhhhh.

We were invited for a very civilized curry with Noe's first school
teacher. Mmmm, quite lovely. A quick trip to the bog then...*whew*
that was stinky....hmmmm....why was that flush so
ineffective?...erm....again....again....again...ERM....Okey,
okey...now we're getting somewhere....Noe, don't play with that globe
over the toi-LET!...*shakes head*...OK, well, Listerine sterilizes,
right?....good as new. Alrightly, then, back to our friends....

As indicated by the accompanying photographs, we are regulars of the
playground that is a mere 100 meters from our front door. Recently the
British boys I met there were quite tickled by the differences in
American and British
language...knickers..panties....trainers..sneakers....boot..trunk....comfort..fabric
softner....hat..lid....tap..faucet....football..soccer. Heard tell as
I was walking away..."I'm gonna meet an American girl and move
there...." ;)

foist (foist) Pronunciation Key
tr.v. foist·ed, foist·ing, foists
1. To pass off as genuine, valuable, or worthy.
2. To impose (something or someone unwanted) upon another by coercion
or trickery.

Definition 1 or 2?? .....You Decide. ;)

Moments

2006-08-19T19:04:00.001-04:00

Moments,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

(pictures taken by P. Nuzzi)

Americans aren't excessive....A quick trot around my little dead-end

street revealed 29 houses and 67 cars (including only the visible

ones-i.e. not the ones in garages or the ones that were out of

town.)....erm.

Noel's best bud, big boy Bryant said to me as we were leaving school

one day: "Can Noel come over and sleep with me again?" *big sweet,

pleading blue eyes*

Me: *gulp* Er....sure. (And this is officially the ONLY time that I am

agreeing to a request like that from a boy....)

More soon (i.e. not the ridiculous amount of time it took for me to

post this.) ;)

Moments

2006-08-19T19:04:00.000-04:00

Moments,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

(pictures taken by P. Nuzzi)

Notables

2006-07-07T23:42:00.000-04:00

To amuse the teachers....
Noel wore her "All American Girl" shirt today.
To the question: "Are you guys kidding?" We responded, "Well, it's old. and she'll grow out of it."

To amuse the lady on that street....
[watching the cars on the street cruise by, while eating our coconut, chocolate chip, almond ice cream]
Noel: "I want one of those." [points to porsche]
Mom: "Mom will never be able to afford one of those, Babe."
[lady laughs and sympathizes...]

To amuse me.....
Noel: (emphatically) I am NOT food!!!

Legal Angle

2006-06-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

The latest batch of travels was not glamorous, but still necessary. Destinations in this round included Delaware, Southern Pennsylvania, and upstate New York.
I was pretty worn down by the end of it, and driving was not ameliorated by the pounding, waterfalls that met my windshield for several consecutive hours.
So after an ice cream break (read: sugar injection), I told my 4-year-old that I didn’t feel like driving any more and nonchalantly asked her if she minded taking over. She stopped dead in her tracks and seriously pondered the offer. However, she reminded me, “Mom, I don’t have a driver’s license.”
“Oh, right”, I said.
Noel responded, “Maybe we could get me one soon…”

Sure, I’ll get right on that….. ;)

The current 'medium' is the old 'biggie'

2006-06-09T15:34:00.000-04:00

Today's been a bit of a mixed bag.

My lovely lady entangled putty in her hair and encrusted it on her pajamas, as well. The nightgown is in the trash along with a chunk of her hair. Unfortunately, the blanket and couch cushion with sticky hot pink goop aren’t quite as easily dealt with….

The bridge that never goes up for tall passing boats actually went up today, stopping traffic for a countless amount of time (lost track).

Wendy's changed how they identify their food. SO when I went to order my burger meal, I was asked a new question: medium size? Er...yeah, that sounds about right. Well, it turns out the current "medium" is the old "biggie". My sizes were all screwed up and I got an absurd amount of food. Then I found that they had given me a diet coke (a.) I don't imbibe or eat ANYTHING diet, and b.) I'd rather use coke to take the paint off my Landlady's BMW than put it in my stomach.) SO, right, I returned the drink and gently mentioned that I had been confused about the sizes due to the name change, so please give me a smaller cup, while you're getting me a new drink. The super nice Spanish/Mexican(?) lady brought out an ice cream for Noel minutes later. That made me beam. Well. Until I pondered the last time I had that happen. I went into a store and left with a ridiculous amount of complementary gifts after making a small donation to poor mothers (it was just about Mother's Day). I felt super happy that day, until I learned that the culmination of the previous 8 months, including flying myself out to meet people, landed me a job offer earning about half my current salary in an unscrupulous pharma-related company. Happy was efficiently usurped by forlorn. So I braced for more bad and moved on….

Currently, the estate agent trying to rent my apartment can’t leave me be, neither can the Landlady. Neither has a f*cking clue, and they both have made such a rigmarole out of procuring door keys, due to several blunders drawn out over the past 5 days. They keep trying to evoke sympathy out of me by discussing how many children she has (5), as well as how many houses she owns. Great….so she’s rich and propagating all of her stupid genes? Keep talking that’s helping a lot. Estate Agent: “You would die if you saw where she [the Landlady] lives.” Get the f@ck out of my house. Please.

Girlfriends

2006-06-06T10:14:00.000-04:00

Girlfriends,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

The sit-n-spin. A classic. Even better when you can pile on with your gilrfirend, too! (I want an adult size sit-n-spin....the mind boggles at the fun that could be had with that!!)

Chicago: May

2006-06-02T06:56:00.003-04:00

Chicago: May,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Connecticut: Spring

2006-06-02T06:56:00.002-04:00

Connecticut: Spring,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Dayton Ohio: May

2006-06-02T06:56:00.001-04:00

Dayton Ohio: May,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Connecticut: Spring

2006-06-02T06:56:00.000-04:00

Connecticut: Spring,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Rochester, England: May

2006-06-02T06:55:00.000-04:00

Rochester, England: May,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Chicago: April

2006-06-01T09:59:00.001-04:00

Chicago: April,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

NYC: April

2006-06-01T09:59:00.000-04:00

NYC: April,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

State College: March

2006-05-31T21:20:00.000-04:00

State College: March,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Crumbs

2006-05-31T06:21:00.000-04:00

Well, this blog has certainly been living up to its name. If you've been depending on this for reading, you might as well be licking rocks for sustenance. Sorry 'bout that, guys. ;)

Realistic expectations are important in life. But could you blame me for thinking that a STATE PARK might have:
-Access to nature without spending more than the gas it took to get there—certainly not a hefty additional $9. Oh, when forests were free....
-The ability to explore aforementioned nature without getting knocked down by rabid boys on scooters (More specifically, Noe bloodied her elbow, not 3 minutes out of the car. In a fucking large prairie-like field, do you think it’s possible to steer around a little 4-year-old girl? Not enough SPACE, you say? *fierce Mom-growl*)
-A reasonable amount of geese poop-free grass. (I shudder to think about the bottom of our shoes...)
-Hiking without f*cking pavement (What happened to that 3 mile hike, Ms. Entrance Fee Snatcher? Contrary to your ascertains, Ms. Park Ranger claims there is NO 3 mile hiking path. Bitch.)
-Bird chirping without the bass-pumping background of "Gasolina"

While I'm here, I'd like to note that the fun of being on a completely suck-ass, chain-smoking, half-drunken co-ed softball team, is that you are practically the hero when you score that one, critical, pride-saving hit (Note: the score was 15-1 last night, after 5 innings....the game was cut short since they were winning by so much.) :D

And lastly, it was a year ago that I met my first English blogger in person. I think I can safely say that it has been life-changing, and an amazing ride ever since. I wanna be in his arms again....now if blogger could just be updated with teletransporting capabilities, I'd be all set....

HUGE shoutout....

2006-05-28T09:35:00.000-04:00

.....to the lovely blogger Rebekah (listed as "ultracool" over there on the side *wags head in that directon and winks*)

The lady just got hitched despite duress from other parts of her life.

She is an amazing lady; Erik is a lucky fellow.

Cheers to a long and happy one! *raises glass*

4-year-old-wisdom:Pets

2006-04-26T18:52:00.000-04:00

about the fish....

"Devon takes a bath ALL day!"

about one of the animals we visited this weekend....

"Dogs LIKE to go up your dress!"

Lexicon Laughs

2006-04-14T09:45:00.000-04:00

My favorite new term: "recreational genomics". Apparently, new science companies have emerged—like DNAPrint—which will sequence your DNA to determine your ethnic ancestry for a "small" fee. The angle: the results could allow you to check minority boxes on financial aid forms for college, for example.
Of course, there are excellent reasons for undergoing genetic testing, as well...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night, Noel had me rolling with laughter.
She told me, "I'm SICK!!! There's a thorn in my tummy! Call the fire department!!"

Raucous laughter was probably NOT the proper "good" Mommy response, but I couldn't help myself. I dialed my brother the doctor, once my snorting subsided...

Where I sit

2006-04-06T14:48:00.000-04:00

There's gotta be some truth to this, 'cause I ended up in the same quarter as Gandhi and in the blue zone....

You are a

Social Liberal
(63% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(10% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Diggin' in Deep

2006-04-03T19:48:00.000-04:00

Noel looked at her handiwork (a.k.a. poop) tonight and proclaimed, ‘Awww. It’s cute!”
Prodding me to reply: “Do ya wanna keep it?” (facetiously of course).

Disappointingly, she said, ‘Yes.”

I had to dig myself out of that hole quickly and thus replied, “Well poops are yucky and squishy.”
She countered with, “Silly putty is squishy.”

I closed my argument with, “Yes, but silly putty isn’t stinky.”

See what I get myself into?
;)

Rock me, Baby

2006-03-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

Rock me, Baby,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Gently.

Gently, I said, you b@stards!

Damn, I was pounded last night. I'm still taking stock of the bruises.

That's what I get for desiring pictures of Rob Zombie and getting

close enough to take a decent one (that man is FIT, I tell you!). At

least you get the fruits of my labors without the suffocating smells,

sweat, and constant pressing and pushing....(was that an inappropriate

grope/pelvic thrust that I just felt, or just another person landing

on my backside?) There was so much of it all, I almost became

desensitized to it (well, except for the occasional odors that drifted

up from the bog.)

And there was....rum and coke without the coke; looking after the

little girls; little-girl moshing advice: "Just push back...er...that

one was my boyfriend."; the hippy fight erupting 2 feet away (do

hippies punch like that?); show-her-tits girl; help from random men;

smashed glasses on the floor; a drink down my pants; booby picture

shows; guitarist from Motley Crue; House of 1000 Corpses clown;

guitarist suggestively-squirted-water on my face; and GOOD music...old

school White ZOmbie and Rob ZOmbie: More Human Than Human, Living Dead

Girl, Never Gonna Stop, Spookshow Baby; then new stuff (from Educated

Horses): Foxy Foxy, Lord's of Salem.

Rock me, Baby again

2006-03-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

Rock me, Baby,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

circus xtravaganza

2006-03-28T10:52:00.001-05:00

circus xtravaganza,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Just thought that I should share the joy.... :)

circus xtravaganza

2006-03-28T10:52:00.000-05:00

circus xtravaganza,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Just thought that I should share the joy.... :)

Russian Mardi Gras

2006-03-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

...is the pre-Lenten celebration that apparently lasts a full week (those party animals...our stamina is only a day *wink*)

Anyways, this weekend we partook in some of the celebration, by consuming Russian pancakes filled with sour cream and caviar. I confirmed that my little girl is an eccentric, at the ripe old age of 4: she wouldn't have any of the pancakes, but took many helpings of caviar. For me, the pancakes were the only way to consume those popping, salty sacs....it was much safer when they were hidden by pancake.

On a completely different note, my lady has learned how to fix my (running) toilet. :D

Adventures in Bumblefuck-Land

2006-03-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

Adventures in Bumblefuck-Land,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

The sum of this past weekend was consumed with a trip west to upstate NY.

I had the extreme fortune early on in the trip of rendezvousing at a lovely little Thai restaurant with a friend that I rarely see. SO rarely, that I was even more horrified and embarrassed than usual when Noel:

a.) farted during dinner b.) discussed kissing the friend c.) declared, "Just let me LOOK at it!" referring to a freckle on my arm that she has a fascination with.

Hopefully, most of these things went under the radar. ;)

Later on, in that same leg of the journey, I found myself saying to a nice older lady, "Well, it's OK, I can just call my parents to help me out." What am I? Age 15?

One lovely discovery made while home, must be credited to my Mom. Thanks to her "browse this magazine" suggestion I was able to find this very sacrilegious food item. Take note: ingesting the lamb of god is calorie-free!

And then the picture here was taken during the return trip. I used to watch that show religiously (well, at least as regular as I can be about TV programming).

What's Cookin' Honey?

2006-02-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

"I need something CHEESY"
- Wallace and Gromit

Cheesy Tuna Shell Casserole

1 tbsp margarine
1 medium onion
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 1/4 cups milk
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp prepared mustard
1/4 tsp pepper
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
1 can (6 ounces) tuna (drained)
1 cup frozen peas
8 ounces shell pasta
1/2 cup crushed potato chips

1.) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cook the shell pasta in boiling water (about 11 minutes) and drain.

2.) While the pasta is cooking (pronounced "pes-ta" if you're British *wink*) chop the onion.

3.) Melt the margarine over high heat in a 2-quart sauce pan and then add the chopped onions (saute 3 minutes).

4.) Stir in the soup, milk, worcestershire sauce, mustard, and pepper. Stir frequently and bring to a boil.

5.) Remove from the heat and stir in the cheese until smooth.

6.) Add the tuna (separating it into flakes with a fork) and the peas.

7.) Combine the tuna mixture and the cooked shells in a 2 quart casserole dish.

8.) Crush the potato chips and sprinkle them over the top.

9.) Bake at 350 degrees for 25 to 30 minutes (until heated throughout.)

4-year-old Review:
Picked off potato chips for consumption after eating several shells. Then picked through mixture for the peas.

Two Hours Later: "My teeth are very stinky. I must go change them."

Thirty-two year old review: Nice flavor and texture. I'll deal with the stinky teeth just to get this in my belly...

("I'm just CRACKERS about cheese!" - W &G)

Flurries and Flowers

2006-02-13T20:59:00.000-05:00

Flurries and Flowers,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Happy Valentine's Day; better think of ways to stay warm. ;)

Flurries and Flowers

2006-02-13T20:56:00.000-05:00

Flurries and Flowers,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Flurries and Flowers

2006-02-13T20:54:00.000-05:00

Flurries and Flowers,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Stuck

2006-02-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

The gracious upstairs neighbors asked us up to partake in the great American tradition of consuming large amounts of food and beer (probably Budweiser) whilest watching the Superbowl and hoping for some obnoxious "scandal" such as a nipple siting. SO we did it.

Before going, I told myself that I was not allowed to get drunk, as that would greatly increase the liklihood of disclosing the amount of sex that I've heard them have.
It was good that this was established from the start, because the conversation turned that way, without any prompting.
S:"So. I can sometimes hear your conversations through the airvents."

BBFK:"Oh, sorry."

S:"No problem, I just turn up the music or something. It just makes me wonder if you can hear us through the vents, too."

BBFK:"Umm...nope, I've never heard any of your conversations...."

S:"It's not conversations that I'm worried about. Especially since you have a little girl."

BBFK: *silence* *slurps drink* "Right. SO It looks like the refs have been paid off by some Steelers supporters..."

Later on in the evening.....

BBFK:"It's neat that you guys are involved in Renaissance festivals."

S:"Well, it's more than that. It's more role playing in costume. I've been this elf-character for 18 years now."

*Noel runs into the back room*

S: *nervous glance at boyfriend* "Honey, are all the toys in the bedroom put away?"

BBFK: *tries not to juxtapose the last 2 bits of conversation along with the routine pounding/escalating sreaming sounds that often filter down from the vents*

Even later, that same night....

S's boyfriend: *comes back from the back rooms that BBFK has been avoiding" "Noel just said she needed to make a poop."

BBFK:*rushes to feet* "OK..." *runs to bathroom in the back and finds Noel already in process* "Oh, Noel we could have just gone downstairs...." *Noel finishes business and leaves BBFK to flush*
*flushes toilet*
*small movement*
*flushes again*
*water rises*
*panic starts*
*waits*
*waits*
*water lowers some*
*flushes again*
*water rises*
*skin gets red and spotty with panic*
*waits*
*waits*
*no movement*
*wishes for some heavy alcohol*
*walks out to report the stuck toilet*
*walks back to bathroom with neighbor*
*neighbor ineffectively plunges for 10 minutes while I look on profusely apologizing and trading bad bathroom stories*
*neighbor's boyfriend checks in and unclogs toilet with a flick of the wrist and a single plunge*
*BBFK finishes beer and goes home with toilet-clogging 4 year old*

2006-02-04T08:51:00.000-05:00

If ignorance ISN'T bliss, then why shut off the lights before shagging?

The last bit of the Top 10 Things I meant to Blog about during the Holidays

2006-01-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

5.) The rift in language between American and British English is deeper than I had suspected. I think the British make their language cuter. They have a proclivity to add "ie" or "y" to the ends of words (such as Curly Wurly) and add extra vowels (famously, "u"). Oh, and their tendency to give suspicious names to yummy foods hasn't gone unnoticed either...such as "clotted cream", "spotted dick", and "bangers and mash". Of course, they also hide terrible foods behind seemingly innocuous names: white pudding, for instance. Then there's the confusion associated with words such as "pudding" and "tea". To an American, these both specify a single food or drink item, while to an Englishman pudding could mean dessert or various different foods ranging from blood and fat sausage to a bready accompaniment to roast beef, and tea could indicate a meal, a drink, or a fancy between-meal snack.

4.)Written during one of the flights to Rochester, NY from London...
It took the bankrupting of an airlines for me to realize the drama of the past day. As I sat listening to the most heartfelt Safety Speech I’d ever heard accompanied by a large dose of meaningful looks, I started to sum up what I’d seen, heard, and experienced. Our hostess named December took pictures of her friends while we were boarding and explained that they had been informed on Tuesday of the demise of Independence Airline. She was not the only one I observed making tearful last goodbyes, expounding on future plans, and expressing surprise and sadness at the situation. It felt odd observing the life-changing events whilest harboring my personal desires to be wisked home to my daughter. Certainly, missing her was one of the 2 reasons for my own drama. The other was for wont of my sweetheart. Leaving him caused me to cry in 2 countries, and in 2 states resulting in a pounding headache. I dehydrated myself and resultingly, drank a liter of water between flights.

3.) Inspired by a recent viewing of Dreamer-the 2005 movie with Dakota Fanning, Noel rode on Hocus Pocus the horse all by herself while visiting our family in Virginia. Before boarding she said, "I want to race!"; once in the saddle, she told Hocus Pocus, "Go slowly." That's my girl.

2.) I received both a radar/laser detector and a speeding ticket (in that order) over the holiday. I figured my brother who got me the detector was taking the piss out of me (I hadn't asked for one), but then again just maybe I deserved it.

1.) My trip to England made patently clear that I miss Noel when she's not around. I was heartbroken by the end of the trip and vowed that she needed to go with me in the future to experience wading in the sea with tall, rubber boots, the super cool Natural History museum with a movement sensing, life-sized T. Rex, the Castles (she's into queens and kings), and hikes in the forest.

Anyways, cheers to Virginia and England...both lovely destinations for the holidays....

Ket-chup

2006-01-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

You gotta wonder what your day has in store for you when you slip on a rotting banana peel on the way in from the parking garage. A Three Stooges kinda day seems relatively harmless and certainly amusing....hmmmm...

In the mean time, I am fantasticly behind on my blogging. It only took 5 days of telling myself, "I'm gonna blog TODAY" to actually sit down and do it. I've got the usual excuses...traveling, a blur of holiday-related events, oh and just being in more of a "reading"-mood than "writing"-mood. I just finished a Confederacy of Dunces actually. It turned out to be an excellent book for a laugh and anyone who wants to slag-off their job.

Anyways, here's the top 10 things that I meant to blog about during my recent hiatus away from this forum....

10.) Happy New Year's to my lovely blogland friends!!!

9.) Noel saved a bird. Well, at least the clever girl heard a bird flapping around our front hallway and alerted me...then we let him out. This is the fourth time this has happened in a year period. I need to investigate how they get in...(my guess is the vent to my bathroom...but how that connects to the front hallway is another matter...)

8.) There's been some solid movies available lately...my favs: The 40 year Old Virgin; Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe; The Constant Gardner.

7.) Noel has gotten successful enough at eating with chopsticks that she wouldn't starve. I figure that's a good marker.

6.) I managed to regain my ability to eat at a human pace during my trip to England and have maintained it since then. Woohoo!

OK. AND I will stop there, lest I never push the "Publish Post" button. ;)

The Doctor is IN.

2005-12-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

The Doctor is IN.,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Here is the scene:

Playdate number 4: Noel's pad.

After wreaking havoc by extracting every toy in the house from its

original location or container, Big Boy Bryant and Noel engage in a

round of Doctor/Patient, where Noel plays the sick one.

Let me stress: This was a well-supervised activity.

And now it's time for the "I rock"-dance 'cause, directly after all

that play, I successfully fed BBB pasta followed by freshly baked

scones. AND HE ASKED FOR MORE. That was my proudest moment of the

first half of December.

Holiday Happy

2005-12-06T10:23:00.000-05:00

There were two things that were very pleasing tonight.

First, I managed to purchase a St. Nicholas present for Noel, right
under her nose. The pharmacist was even in on it, and hid the present
from view. I love collaborative efforts to surprise people,
especially when it involves the help of random, nice people.

Second, during our dinner out, the Christmas tunes revolved to the
song "Noel, Noel". You should have seen my girl's (Noel's) face! She
had an adorable, almost 4-year-old expression that was a mixture of
shyness and extreme happiness. Her grin was blazing...

*satisfied sigh*
oooo, these things make me happy...

1000-mile crankiness

2005-11-28T16:54:00.000-05:00

I arrived home last night at 6pm to find competition for parking in my own driveway. I might have been more cordial about the situation, had I not been driving since 8:30am. It was probably the attitude induced by the 1000 mile roundtrip journey that spurred me to have the following conversation....

"Oh, hi. You're S's Mom, aye? Nice to meet you. Don't worry about parking in my spot. Actually, this is a very fortuitous meeting, as I was getting progressively worried about S and have been hoping to speak to someone close to her. I have heard escalating screams and pounding noises at early-morning and late-night hours, and was concerned about her welfare. Has she been OK?" *dumb-blonde BLINK BLINK*

*devious grin to self*

New-fangled Pet

2005-11-20T21:59:00.000-05:00

New-fangled Pet,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Statements uttered by Noel that led up to the

"appropriate-fun-with-the-fish" talk:

#1. "I'll sleep with my fishy ALL night!"

#2. "I can tickle my fishy."

#3. "I want to take my fishy for a walk."

#4. And some garbled speech (she was going on and on while seating in

the back of the car, as I was driving) combined with talk of a "fishy

bandage."

Note: The fish has successfully lived in our possession for a full 10 days now.

Wind me Up

2005-11-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

The little lady has found a new tactic to TRY to wind me up. (I say TRY because it was early in the morning and I have to muster the small rements of energy available and focus in order to break for a red light, much less respond to a comment. *wink*)

Yeah.
SO.
We're driving along when the little lady says, "Carby is a slow car."
[Note: "Carby" is my Honda Civic.]
Followed by, "Make him go faster."

*sigh*
A.) Telling a speed queen that her car is slow can be a terrible blow. I like to pretend.

B.) There are limitations. By limitations, I mean traffic. By traffic, I mean that I live in the goddamn, overcrowded, too-densely-populated NorthEast, where assholes drive their Eddie Bauer, BMW, SUV-monstrosities and run over babies on the sidewalk.

Looks like she's taking after me...well, this time. She also hates amusement park rides and swing sets. *shakes head* I don't get that.

eat these crumbs

The home stretch

Dear Santa Claus

Fix it Dear Elisiah, Dear Elisiah, Dear Elisiah....

At the busstop...

Congress, give us healthcare!!

Labeling

Happy Birthday Dr Seuss!

Single Mothers Rule the World

Scripted

Generalisms are Clever

*British female voice* "Hello. Your call cannot be taken at the moment and you cannot leave a message"

Peace

Cheers to Americans!!!

Strange

Noel told me tonight...

McCain, please tell me,

Debate Resuls

And I quote...

Generation Gap

Change?

Burning Question

Listeners Wanted

Fairyland meets internet

Potato Tits

Science and Religion

November 11, 2007

The sweet moment

Erm

Happy Birthday, Stefan

I miss my brother so much

Request to the World

Breaking news

Wales: Tintern Abbey

Virginia Waters

i come from a gang-bang background

The most appreciated invention. (IMHO)

Beach Bums

I have a new friend

daft Sod

There's this emoticon...

The conclusion of the whirlwind tour

He missed his best friend dearly....

Bubble-wrap Bride

London lights

Refuse me anything?

Success!!

Second thoughts....

Should I?

Sampling Lever's driving in the Lake District...

Images of the last couple months...

Ya know....

Favorite Request of 2007 (so far)

Favoritye New Word: 2006

The School Report

Do the right thing.....

Close calls

Strange Love

Grumble, grumble....moan

Notable observations

Dying for a present

Foisting culture on Farnborough

Moments

Moments

Notables

Legal Angle

The current 'medium' is the old 'biggie'

Girlfriends

Chicago: May

Connecticut: Spring

Dayton Ohio: May

Connecticut: Spring

Rochester, England: May

Chicago: April

NYC: April

State College: March

Crumbs

HUGE shoutout....

4-year-old-wisdom:Pets

Lexicon Laughs

British female voice "Hello. Your call cannot be taken at the moment and you cannot leave a message"