Monday, October 31, 2005

An Indian Princess and Flapper Halloween

Happy Halloween, y'all!

Friday, October 28, 2005

October CHECKlist

-buy stash of variety of Halloween chocolate (all chocolate-based, of course)
CHECK
-don bat ring
CHECK
-hang ghost and Frankenstein lights
CHECK
-buy daughter costume that will inspire extra generosity during trick-or-treating
CHECK
-light Halloween candles
CHECK
-rent slasher movie
CHECK
-buy skeleton cookie cake with gummy brains for Halloween party
CHECK
-have strong, hunky man to retrieve laundry from dungeon-style basement and consume enough candy to rescue me from gaining 5 pounds
*sigh*

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Treatment: Good

...a lovely, tiny Indian lady made a right hand turn in front of me, as I was about to step into the intersection's crosswalk. She blew me a kiss, but I'd already forgiven her.

...a friendly store owner of a Halloween-themed shop let me enter his store at 10 minutes until closing. I quickly found the dress that I had been searching for (online, and in many stores), and was overjoyed about the way it fit—until I looked at the price. I sheepishly mentioned that I found the price to be high and the store owner offered me a 10% discount. I said, "Really?!?", all wide-eyed, and he said, "Yeah. Why not?!"

Monday, October 17, 2005

Leftover strippers (do we get a doggy bag for that?)

*Memorable statements made just yesterday...*

It's tastes better through the little hole in the top.

-Lever

It's OK, I put my tongue on it.

-BBFK

It's not poop. (The words uttered moments before the accompanying

photograph was taken...)

-NoE

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

ABsurdity

*huge sheepish grin*
Man, I've missed you guys. No, I wasn't being held down by an enormous boulder (the sort of object that you would expect would be needed to keep me away from y'all), rather, there's just been too much a-happenin. Weddings of close friends, best friends having a stay-over, excursions to other countries (yes, Canada counts-even if you live in New England *wink*)...lots of stuff, all of which I had the good intention of reporting on.
In the meantime, I let slip by October 6th—the anniversary of when I started blogging. And blogging has brought me all sorts of happiness in ways that I never would have dreamed, so I had the good intention of celebrating. *sigh* Six days later,and now it's my birthday, so I've finally decided to push the pile of work papers away from my elbows and blog. And now, I'm feeling the urge to gush a little bit. For example, I need to give a huge shout out to Jay for having connected me. Jay is the first person to comment on my blog, and surprisingly enough, even come back for more. *wink* Without her, I likely would have let the whole thing be a quick phase. Instead, with little nuggets of encouragement, I kept on and met some incredibly funny, witty, sweet, clever, shocking, deep, priceless, wonderful, charming, and keen people. And then of course, there's the boy. *laughing...* You guys and gals have provided entertainment in a place where I expected none, friendship greater than I could have imagined, and adventures worth documenting. All from the internet....how wacky.
K. I'll try to stop my girly-rant and get back to biting commentary. In the meantime, I'll point you to a good, albeit completely unrelated story that caught my fancy today...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Bumblefucking about

So, I thought I should update you guys on the cheating boy situation from this post. Quite soon after the slip of my tongue revealed the philandering nature of her boyfriend, J asked me to keep an eye out on the boy (not a hard task, considering a glance out of my window would do the trick.) The philandering boyfriend (PBF, from here out) was up to his tricks straight away. Although I was gone to NYC most of the weekend, I managed to pull into my driveway at a late night hour that directly coincided with PBF arriving home, driving the other girl's (OG) car. Now because my lovely friend J was pondering marrying PBF after their 7-year-relationship, I decided that I would humor her request for a report-she should at least be fully informed about what she was signing onto. As J and I were talking, PBF and OG got back into his car and drove off. J knew where they were going and decided to seize the opportunity to make the 2 extremely uncomfortable....she drove by them in the opposite direction, and waved and honked in a nice, friendly way while flipping her long, blonde locks.
In the end J and PBF ended their relationship and lovely J began the mourning process (She proceeded to lose 7 pounds in the next week, stopped sleeping, engaged in overthinking everything...ya know the routine.) *sigh* Poor girl. Cheating is just one of those things that I fucking hate.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Blam...er....Thank Rebekah for This one….*wink*

Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1.) travel, travel, travel (Turkey, Alaska, Australia, Hawaii, Colorado, a tropical forest, etc.…….)
2.) crochet something for good (i.e. some sexy top/skirt with the holes in all the right places…..reference: Heather Graham’s hot dress in Austin Powers) [Note: crochet for evil involves potholders and Kleenex-box covers, mainly]
3.) see Noel grow up, not turn out weird, and still want to hang-out with me
4.) have a job where I am respected and earn enough money (see #1)
5.) make a noticeable difference in a worthy organization. I’m thinking non-for-profit, maybe medically-related…
6.) live in a beautiful reclusive place in the wilderness and write
7.) marry my best friend

Things I Can Do
1.) run a radio show-including programming and dialogue
2.) run a polyacrylamide gel
3.) write a medical manuscript and have it published
4.) tie a knot with a cherry stem….no hands, just tongue
5.) make a wedding veil
6.) play the clarinet
7.) throw a baseball like a boy (I’ve been hit on for my softball skillz. *wink*)

Things I Cannot Do
1.) go a week without bruising myself
2.) whistle
3.) show up on time
4.) stop myself from laughing inappropriately, or control the volume of my voice/laughter
5.) call people when I should
6.) play happy, when I’m really not
7.) fake an orgasm

Seven Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
1.) Will dance with me (oh right, that was out by the 2nd guy I dated *wink*) Nerdiness/Cleverness
2.) Kindness (especially to animals, small children, and ugly people)
3.) Similar humor appreciation
4.) Being tall and fit, and having nice hands
5.) Being into words
6.) Being into music (‘specially the stuff I like *wink*)
7.) Being able to fix things…e.g. computers, bikes, me

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1.) Wha?
2.) TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
3.) I like it, a LOT.
4.) yuP.
5.) Solid.
6.) FUCK.
7.) Daft prick! (Well not really, but I’ve been meaning to integrate that into my speech for ages, now. *wink*)

Celebrity Crushes (although I’d pick some solid, regular time alone with Lever, over any of these boys/girl)
1.) tobey mcguire
2.) bill murray
3.) ralph fiennes
4.) giovanni ribisi
5.) minnie driver
6.) cilian murphy
7.) john malkovich

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The first time...

...I read your comment on my blog, I thought, "Oh, cool-a British dude."

...I read your blog, I thought "Dear god, is this the same language I speak?" Crisps, boot-of-a-car, bollocks, lorry, lilo, queue, banger racing, wedding tackle, titting-about, gaffs, baggies...good god—where's my urban dictionary?!? Of course, some of the confusion must have just been due to a broken "u" on the keyboard, because some of the words were spelled close to the proper spelling...cheque, manouevre, colour, honour, favour...but with an extra vowel tacked in there.

...I read your email I was school-girl happy. Mmmmm, a nice, clever, polite boy is emailing me...

...I got your text, I almost crashed my car, trying to find my phone and decrypt why it was making strange noises (I was not a texting-girl.) But the words made me squeal as I swerved down the highway, trying to read it...

...I heard your voice on my answering machine, I had the compulsion to practice saying your name over and over in your accent. (I still don't have it quite right.)

...We spoke on the phone, I could hardly understand what you were saying. Although, that was partly my fault for swooning over the sound of your voice—that sort of thing shuts down my brain function, including word comprehension. It was a v. short phone call. :D

...I laid eyes on you, I was nervous as f@%k and pretty damn tired to boot. Fortunately, you're cool about handling small talk without much reinforcement. ;)

...We hugged, I thought, "He's definitely my type of boy."

...We held hands, I was like a giggly school girl. It still sends me into wild bouts of uncontrollable happiness to think about it.

...You kissed my cheek, I was on some kind of high....

SO yeah, maybe next time we meet up, we can get to second base. (Second base was considered groping, right? It's been too long since middle school)...*wicked grin* You free to cross the Atlantic, babe? Soon, pahhleaze? *eye flutter*

Anyways, my sweetheart HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Walk it off

SO.
I ran in a half marathon recently.
(where ran= moved barely faster than a walk for 7 miles and then interspersed jogging and walking for the last 6.1)

Here is the main conclusion that I came to:

RUNNERS ARE COMPLETELY NUTTERS.

supported by....

They find their running time more important than:
a.) not littering (hence THOUSANDS of cups and food wrappers all over the course)
b.) using a toilet (I witnessed many in-the-woods style piss-breaks and heard tell of some that just went in their pants.)
c.) consuming non-engineered foods such as "goo" and "aminovital" (code for nasty-ass wanna-be food products that you should never, ever subject your poor, harmless taste buds to)

Here's my defense for why I did it anyways: (athough I certainly did NOT engage in littering or peeing in weird places)
a.) I'll try *just about anything* once
b.) They had bands. MANY, many bands.
c.) My siblings all did it.
d.) It was on Virginia beach....beauuuuutiful....

The funny part is, there have been consequences. I trained for this foolish stunt (although not enough, mind you) by running the 0.1 mile loop that I live on. Yeah, laugh it up. I *DID* have to run around like a *gerbil*, completing the loop 70 times for 7 miles, for example. The funny thing is, now there's this flock of biddies that have taken to fast-walking my loop. They're a group of gossiping, older ladies that have cumulatively lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks between moving their legs and their mouths. It induces me to laugh and laugh when I see what I have caused....

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Dangling

Dangling
Dangling,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.
For those of you on the edge of your seats over the boy-drama in this

household, I thought I'd update you with the 3rd Triple B-Looty

Lovekins date (the 2nd was at his place....so all those reports would

just be heresy *wink*). Here is is. Triple B thought the food was

terrible and LL cried her eyes out for most of the evening. There was

no sharing the cool, green bike and no agreement on a show to watch.

The marbles, however, were magic. Sending marbles into unreachable

places such as down exhaust grates, behind heavy furniture, and into

dark corners made the 3-year-olds shine.....

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Heart attack

Heart attack
Heart attack,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.
Well, I guess not this time. As long as you look and don't lick...



[Butter sculpture at the 2005 NY State Fair]

Monday, August 29, 2005

Name calling....

Noel has decided that we are going to get a dog. Furthermore, we will call this (poor) dog "SUCKA". Yes that is as in "sucker", except the in-da-hood version.

Apparently. she has been expressing genes that were not inherited from me, recently.

Also, I will keep this in mind when she has a child of her own and is responsible for naming it. I will have to keep a close eye on the situation....

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Today I am....

'Rebecca Rockland'
(Well, at least according to the most recent transcriptionist.)
Swwwweet!!
*grin*
I RRRRRRock!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Stay out of my Art

Stay out of my Art
Stay out of my Art,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.
We had a mini-foray off to NYC yesterday afternoon. Our goal: The

Metropolitan Museum of Art. We did it, long into the evening. Too

bad there were an overabundance of security guards making silly,

irrational demands from square one. I was trying to enjoy ART, for

god's sake, do you mind taking your bullying elsewhere? (But then

again, Noel, SFMD & I ARE a v. suspicious bunch...better keep an eye on us!!

We might....I dunno...laugh too loud or something. *wink*)

Stay out of my Art

Stay out of my Art
Stay out of my Art,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Friday, August 19, 2005

9:30am: I've already done my damage today

Today kicked off awkwardly. Noel and I reluctantly went through the morning routine, acutely aware that having done this 4 other days this week, we were bored. However, we plodded on with the weekend and its little adventures in sight, and with prospects of a friend/dog visit. We arrived at Noel's babyschool and prepared to part, not before doing the usual friendly bits with the women there. I started up a conversation.....
BBFK: "How are you, J?"
J: "Good. Tired."
BBFK: "I saw you last night..."
J: "Oh, where was that?"
BBFK: "At your boyfriend's. [He lives 3 houses down from me.] I was out for a run and called your name to say hi..."
J: "....That wasn't me."
BBFK: *confused* "Oh. Well a girl parked her car and went to his house. She looked just like you, but it was dark, so I couldn't see her face clearly..." *trailing off + looking disheartened*
J: "What was she driving?"
BBFK: "A VW."
J: "Red?"
BBFK: "Yeah."
J: "Yeah...I know who she is."
BBFK: *deflated look + stumped for what to say, as "Sorry that I've just given you evidence that your boyfriend is fucking another woman" just didn't seem right*
BBFK: "Oh."

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Jaw Drops...




You're Catch-22!

by Joseph Heller

Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word "paradox" for millions of
people.
Yeah. And anyone that knows me, KNOWS that this is my favorite book of all time. *high fives the fabulous quizz makers at Blue Pyramid*



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



Thanks to the lovely Rebekah for this, BTW.....(http://antisocialtendencies.blogspot.com/)

The Current Reason Not To Have Fresh Blueberries in Cold Cereal....

.....You could die.
(Well, at least according to the resident expert, 3 yr old.)
No jokin' around there. No bother with a little, "I don't want it" or "We ate that yesterday, Mom." Nope, she went right in for the kill....no arguing with the ugly, tortured death induced by blueberries...

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Carnival

Carnival
Carnival,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.
We had a classic festival outing.

We went on the rides.....

........The picture illustrates the headlock Noel puts me in as the

merry-go-round shakily starts, and continues to vibrate. She has a

stronger inhibition of danger than I do, apparently.



We played the games.....

.........Well, admittedly, just one, 'cause they are a rip-off and

they didn't even bother to have a duck-pond: the gold-standard in kids

festival games. The neighbor's scheme to assuredly win a prize for

Noel at the water-gun game (be the first bloke to squirt enough water

in a clown's mouth to break a balloon and win), was ruined when a

horde of straight-shooting kids showed up. Despite her brainstrom that

I should whore myself out in order to procure a nice, yellow, stuffed

duckling, I walked away. I felt complemented by her confidence in my

abilites to induce the gentleman game-operator to part with the

aforementioned duck, ("He's cute! Just batt your eyes and

smile...."), but the duck just wasn't THAT cute. And my girl already

has the amount of stuffed animals that should take 10 years to

accumulate (including a yellow duck, BTW)



We ate the food.....

........Although, here we diverged from the usual festival experience.

There was a cultural twist to this one. Instead of corn-dogs, cotton

candy, and fudge, the fare at this fest included

sausage/peppers&onions, cannolis, lemon ice, and pizza frittas.

Mmmmm...Evviva gli Italiano!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Cool Kid at School......

Cool Kid at School......
Cool Kid at School......,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.
....I'm definitely NOT. In fact, today I felt like a complete

recluse. That was sort of odd, considering I was in NYC for the day.

It's always weird feeling lonely when you're surrounded. I had the

distinct feeling all day that there was some big secret that I was not

privy to. Here are the incidences and observations which fed that

fire.....

1.) It all began when I spied a truck driving down the train tracks,

as I was sweating it out at the station (The East coast is currently

very stickystickysticky. Did I mention it's been humid out recently?)

Ummmmm....since when did TRUCKS drive on TRAIN tracks? (Check out the

picture....those red lights in the distance are the rear break-lights

of a truck.)

2.) The meeting that I had to attend was on a topic that I very

recently started learning about and only had a 17% likelihood of

pronouncing correctly. The people-involved rattled off acronyms and

technical jargon at a quick pace, oftentimes talking over each other.

Lucky me...I'm the lackey that gets to implement all their wording

desires...just as soon as I figure WTF they were talking about, that

is.

3.) Ripply-muscled cops jumped on our crammed elevator as we rode in

the wrong direction to the lobby. They bantered about a guy who was

"able to walk around." Um....yeah. Normally not a noteworthy skill.

(As a nice bonus, the cop took an extra second to make a single

comment to my boss that got her rattled enough to pull me aside for a

confidence boost sort-of-question. Props, NYPD.)

4.) A stretcher rolled out of the hotel to a near-by ambulance.

5.) After managing to squeeze my body into one of the 2 seats left on

the densely populated train and position my bag in a way that didn't

encroach on other people's space, I realized that the boob-level

button of my shirt had worked its way undone.

6.) I found the driver's side car mirror on Car-bie was scratched to

shit. *shrugs shoulders* Wasn't me. My poor wounded Car-bie, who

hurt you and how could they be so mean and careless? (Car-bie will

likely remain scarred...I'm too poor to worry about cosmetic fixes.)

[Note: Following a viewing of Herbie:Full Throttle, Noel christened

our car with the name, Car-bie.]