SO.
I ran in a half marathon recently.
(where ran= moved barely faster than a walk for 7 miles and then interspersed jogging and walking for the last 6.1)
Here is the main conclusion that I came to:
RUNNERS ARE COMPLETELY NUTTERS.
supported by....
They find their running time more important than:
a.) not littering (hence THOUSANDS of cups and food wrappers all over the course)
b.) using a toilet (I witnessed many in-the-woods style piss-breaks and heard tell of some that just went in their pants.)
c.) consuming non-engineered foods such as "goo" and "aminovital" (code for nasty-ass wanna-be food products that you should never, ever subject your poor, harmless taste buds to)
Here's my defense for why I did it anyways: (athough I certainly did NOT engage in littering or peeing in weird places)
a.) I'll try *just about anything* once
b.) They had bands. MANY, many bands.
c.) My siblings all did it.
d.) It was on Virginia beach....beauuuuutiful....
The funny part is, there have been consequences. I trained for this foolish stunt (although not enough, mind you) by running the 0.1 mile loop that I live on. Yeah, laugh it up. I *DID* have to run around like a *gerbil*, completing the loop 70 times for 7 miles, for example. The funny thing is, now there's this flock of biddies that have taken to fast-walking my loop. They're a group of gossiping, older ladies that have cumulatively lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks between moving their legs and their mouths. It induces me to laugh and laugh when I see what I have caused....
Pa
3 years ago
11 comments:
*laughing my ass off....* You would have made the transition to running a half marathon a whole bunch nicer. I've been running friendless and fanless for so long, that being thrust into a dense throng of 21,000 runners plus probably an equivalent number of fans at 7am in the morning, was *barely* stomachable. And your lemonade sounds a WHOLE lot better than those engineered drinks I tried once (a sip) and then scrapped for good... You're officially invited over to the loop *wink*.
When the neighbor's chickens would run past our house, my mom would spray them with the hose.
hm maybe you should introduce the biddies to the glorious art of pissing in public
dude - gerbil
that is hilarity
it would have probably been good exercise for me to have joined you - i would have followed you with a little bag strapped to me and you could toss your food wrappers and paper cups to me - in fact - all the runners probably should have had their own garbage picker-uppers and a supply of adult diapers
thank you for blogging about it finally! :P
Becky, AMH:
There, in fact, was that, too... There were several "sprinkler stations", which I took full advantage of. That sort of wetting oneself is on my "good" list. ;)
Rebekah:
The biddies have not been able to give up their flip-flops for proper footwear, yet. And a frog-sighting caused one them to quickly end her excercise, just last night. A (cute) FROG!!!! That's not exactly dedication, in my book.
Oh, and you're coming to the half marathon next year. I've decided. ;)
Big Ed:
Thanks, dude. ;)
And the plastic ball image is *exactly* what I was going for, although I know better than to use the word "ball" on a post with you folks looking on...*laughing....*
"I *DID* have to run around like a *gerbil*, completing the loop 70 times for 7 miles, for example."
Don't worry babe, I won't tell everyone that you have a noticeable lean and one leg shorter than the other *wink*
You run around your loop, I walk/jog in the cemetary near my house. J doesn't like me going there alone because some old folks got murdered there once. Last time I was there, I got a fantastic workout jogging/speedwalking away from a lone creepy guy wandering aimlessly among the tombstones... I would have sprinted if it weren't for the small amount of protection I felt by having the dog with me.
My Lever:
NO kidding!!! My right knee always acts up at lap 30-ish...maybe *that's* why....LMAO.
Superfan:
You have cool parents. 'Course you don't want to hear that, yet, I'm sure. ;) You can still be adopted by Lever and I, if you like...laughing....
Kat e:
Cememtary. What a glamorous walk setting! I'm sure I'd enjoy it more than the *alive* people in my loop that tend to make stupid small-talk while *I'm trying to run, goddamnit!* *stomps foot* ;)
LOL!!! I have never been athletic except for the short stint as a cheerleader my Freshman year of high school. Yes, I am ashamed, very ashamed (for being a cheerleader and for not being athletic:)
I used to know this ex-Hells-Angel Biker dude turned Jesus Freik. He used to yell at joggers in the park, "Hey, are you running away from God or to God?!"
.....They were probably just running away from him.
Hmmmm...I think I was running away. :)
And LMAO at you being a cheerleader. *ashamed grin* I was too, VERY briefly. God, what was I thinking? *high fives*
I can not believe you actulally ran that loop 70 times. I would go mad from sheer boredom. You are one dedicated girl. Big Eds plastic ball theory is very amusing.
So like peeing in your pants is just gross.
High Fives back at you--or perhaps, "Give me a B, give me an "E", Gimme a "C"...
You get the idea:)
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