Sunday, May 29, 2005

I loves me some travel

I loves me some travel

I'm flying off into the sunset, in search of blue skies...

I will see your sweet words upon my return, blogland boys and girls.
Don't wait up for me. ;)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Random Bits

By far, the most prevalent proclamation around these here parts is: "MOMMMY!!! There's an ant crawling on [insert object here]!!!!!! And yes, when I say "these here parts" I MEAN the place were I sleep and eat and live. We've been throwing an ant rave for the last 2 weeks (although I guess it's not exactly a rave because every ant and their grandmother seems to be aware of the location of the Parrrrr-ty!) You ask, but BBFK, wasn't this a problem that started happening weeks ago? Shouldn't it have been resolved by now? Oh, well, thank you very much for asking. :) But, no, actually-the *throat clear* LADY that owns the place is a bit of a wanker and extremely negligent. Apparently, the neighborhood kids were calling the lawn "the jungle" last year because it was THAT bad. Oh, and her excuse: I have kids. WTF? Um, no star for that woman-almost anyone can shit one out and still manage to live and take care of ant infestations. The kicker is that she tries to use the excuse with me. Um, ME! Single Mom, no relatives for hundreds of miles, works a full time job, plus another, handles all finances and doctor's visits, cooks get the're telling me that you have *kids*? Dumb bitch.


And HOW uncool is it to hand over your leatherman keychain to the security guards at the local government agency metal detector and sharp objects checkpoint, and come back to find the man PLAYING with it? Can ya keep your hands off it man? That's MY toy.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Challenges of Being a Mom to my 3-year-old

1.) (Heartfelt moment)
Noel: I love you, mommy.
BBFK: I love you too, babes.
Noel: I love you eyebrow. *pointing above my eye*
[Challenge: Hold it in, hold it in! Don't snicker BBFK!
She was being sentimental and sincere...!]

2.) (end of the day trip to the babyschool)
Noel's Teacher: Are you OK [BBFK]?
BBFK: What? Oh, me? Yeah just a bit exhausted from lack of sleep.
I went to sleep at 5am this morning. It was stupid.
Noel's Teacher: *covers ears* Ooops! Bad word! We didn't hear that kids!
[Challenge: determining whether I had said "stupid" like I thought or
"really fucking retarded" like I meant. Did I just get into trouble
for saying "stupid"?!]

Sunday, May 22, 2005

I've not been at my "mom-iest"

Somehow, I managed to not pay attention to Noel long enough this weekend for her to:
a.) Color two cushions of the couch green.
b.) Color the floor with a green crayon, as well.
c.) Entangle a handful of silly putty in her hair.

Furthermore, I partied like a college-girl Saturday night...well sort of. I drank 3 rum and cokes, one Thai mixed drink that I can't recall the name of, a microbrew, and several shots. I went to a bar with 6 guys, and got my groove on. I ate a steak and cheese sub with barb-que chips after getting completely loaded, while a guy was retching in the background (actually, that kinda put a damper on how much I ate, although it didn't seem to affect the other guys.) And then the night was capped off by jumping in a hot tub that overlooked the beach until almost 4am (when I had gotten sober-enough to drive.)

However, the entire time my mind was on this boy; this boy who I have maintained this crush on, who claims that he likes me, but still had other plans on his Saturday night... (see how he teases me?). Have you ever been so enamored, that the advances of the opposite sex barely even register? That you get in a hot tub-drunk-but clothed and still conscious of maximizing the space between you and the boys who are not-the-one-you-want? (where boys = one of your closest friends from the last decade and his friend who danced all night long with Ula-hot, blonde Polish woman...all the rest of the boys had their face in a bowl or had passed out.) Have you ever gone out and partied, but still found yourself in the corner at various points during the night fulfilling the urge to get just *a little bit*, just a little fix of the boy who's not there...(i.e. texting, calling, the like...) Have you responded to a random-bar-boy hitting on you by going on about the Impressionist artist who originally painted the art located behind the bar? So anyways, no hooks ups: nothing vaguely even close to report. Just pining. So maybe I only get a C+ on the college-girl Saturday night rating scale. Agreed?

And the final happy endings to the weekend:

1.) I was a successful "dating advocate" (Have ya heard of this: it's when a girl is part of a group of guys, facilitating their hook up with other chicks, just because of the trust factor); Newt hooked up with Ula (pronounced Ooooo-la, while drunk) the next day.

2.) Noel was fed, the plants were watered, the floors were cleaned, and banana bread was baked. We even played some Candyland...

3.) A glimmer of a chance developed that the boy-I-have-a-thing-for may give-me-the-time-of-day soon, as they say. Ya know, tentative plans and all in a week's time...

Thursday, May 19, 2005

100 things about me-(only 10, because this is finally the end)

1. I have the most rockin' 3 year old on the planet (my pardon to any parents of 3 year-olds reading this), but I don't consider myself a grown-up. A conflict here, maybe?
2. It's been pointed out that I'm a clutz. (And just to put the nail in the coffin on that idea,) the only time I've ever broken anything was 2 years ago. I fell over my *couch*, while trying to make sure Noel didn't take a tumble, while holding a (non-alcoholic) drink. I broke 2 ribs, then went and played soccer an hour later. (Yes, you can correctly conclude that I have a very high tolerance to pain.) Um, yeah, I didn't *know* they were broken until a week-ish later (it started becoming hard to run.)
3. I am a "group-sports, leg girl." I developed this theory early on that most people tend to be arm people or leg people when it comes to sports. The arm people play basketball, volleyball, baseball, etc., while the leg people have an affinity for soccer and track. I sort of straddled this; evidence that obviously not everyone complies with this rule of thumb. (And yes, it's poor form to immediately give an example that contradicts a theory that you've just proposed.) ;) I did basketball (poorly), softball (well, when the ball wasn't hitting my face), and soccer (which I adored and did well at without too much injury.) Unfortunately, I've had to resort to non-group sports as I've gotten older, e.g. running.
4. My concert resume: Bush, Moby, Fear Factory, Barenaked Ladies (3X), Indigo Girls (2X), Sarah MacLachlan, Counting Crows, Eminiem, Limp Bizkit, Coal Chamber, New Kids on the Block, REO Speedwagon, Sting, Cibo Matto, Liz Phair (2X), Ani Difranco (2X), Slipknot, Billy Joel, Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Natalie Merchant, The Mystechs, The Bomboras, Bonnie Raitt, Foo Fighters, John Mayer, Lanterna, Libby Kirkpatrick, Goldfinger, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Peter Gabriel, Prince, Sarge, The Reputation, The Merekats, Sheryl Crow, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, They Might Be Giants, Ministry. I can guarantee this isn't all of em', but all that come to mind. And no, I didn't filter any bands out consciously (obviously!! I just tried to intersperse the embarrassing ones, so that maybe you'd just skim over 'em.); it's all hanging out for your pleasure. And yes, feel free to both snicker and admire.
5. Artists I'd *heart* to see NOW: Semisonic, The Shins, Jem, New Order, Some Girls (Did I mention that I adore music?)
6. I watched my best friend's apartment building burn down about eight years back. We stood and watched and smoked cigarettes. (Stess release for her, irony for me.)
7. I have never had a one-night stand.
8. I have been cheated on.
9. I have been in love before.
10. I'm a blog addict. Any recommendations on online support groups? *laughing...* ;)

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The hard truths of balloon-launching

Just when you were about to go *on* about my parenting skills, all warm and fuzzy-like, I thought I'd throw you this curve ball...

My girl and I had just completed our ritualistic trip to the grocery store, finishing as always with her sweetly asking the service desk help for a balloon (My child logs all the "good stuff" and never missses a beat. If the opportunity arises, she asks for more good stuff again...) So we left the store, grocery bags and balloon in hand, as usual.

The little lady is 3.5 and has reached the stage where she can be reasoned with *BIG sigh of relief*, so when she suggested that she wanted to "let the balloon go" I decided to go with it. So after just a single warning that Mom couldn't retrieve the balloon once it left her little fingers and started floating away, we got out of the car and launched the balloon. She watched, intrigued, for a nice bit. But then it all fell apart, as you can visualize yourself.

So, yeah, we learned that day that some things that you let go, cannot be retrieved, no matter how hard ya cry about it. And likely, your Mom will try and impart this wisdom and many other truths on you many, many times before it sticks.
[I need a drink. ;)]




Sunday, May 15, 2005

Blog Fodder

My ears are *still* ringing and I just recently stopped vibrating.

The moment I walked into the venue, I knew this was going to be good. We'd had a bit of a problem getting in: our free admission tickets, were apparently only free until 10 pm, and it was well past. After the owner had a little talking to, we persuaded our way through without additional funds. But the moment we were in, I realized the full irony of the situation. I turned to S and declared, "Oh, paaaalease! We're *girls* they should have PAID us to be here." And as S stated, it was indeed a sausage-fest. Not that this was unexpected: we were going to watch a collection of the best metal bands this lo-cal had to offer. (Yes, a questionable proposition, really.)
Immediately the sights had us amused. There was the large woman signing her own plentiful bosom at the bar and the wheelchair bound man with the blue underlighting, as if his mobile device was a bass-thumping, hip-hop blasting Monte Carlo. The music that we walked into was (another round of laugher is incited with the memory...) just *pleasurable.* Imagine this (in the best heavy, growly voice you can conjure:) SQUATTERS!! gggggggrrrrrAAHHHH!! Drip. Dry. DRIP DRY!!! Definitely a very philosophical band. All of their themes were deep. Well, actually it only boiled down to 2: the previously mentioned girl-peeing theme + the prevalent bong-smoking theme (sheepish admission of a fancy for the growling, however.) ;)
The concert-goer's were *almost* as amusing as the first band's lyrics. There were a certain amount of very well made-up, spiky-heeled girls attempting to attract boy-attention. Some clumps of girls even bothered to coordinate outfits with each other. Many were misshapen, a couple were not. One, in an attempt to endear herself to the band, moved her tight bod to the stage and did a hair-flip-a-minute move that she *wishes* she had patented. (But really, most girls are aware of the hair flip and put it in their boy-attracting repertoire occasionally. This girl was a bit overdone, though, with it.) And the boys, well, were as you'd expect. Tattooed, muscle-y, Metallica-shirted things, with long, scraggly hair. Some of the boys and girls would couple up, and you could watch the ass-slaps and attempts at sly-copping-a-feels by the boys as the girls wriggled and perched their asses.
And me? Well, I just tried to lay low and capture it all. My friends sang all the words to the hair-band music that played between the live music, and lamented not being able to attend the upcoming Cinderella concert, in sarcastic voices. I developed a desire to record it all and inquired about a pen with the bartender. With a smile he gave me a condom, a pen, and a piece of paper that he scrawled "Call me..." SLICK boy.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Coping Mechanism:Dance Break

I woke this morning to an ant infestation. At first, in my blind-state it went under the radar. I *did* think it was strange to find a little ant on my computer (Yes, I can surf, while half-blind), and although I was sorta mad about that (MY *lovely*, sleek computer is SO off-limits to all insects, BTW) I just threw him off. Unfortunately, he decided to then climb on Noel's dress, to her chagrin, so the ant was then rendered dead (Normally, I give insects an escort outside, but he had stepped out-of-bounds twice, and I was not in the mood.) I thought that was the end of the story, until I finally could see, and realized that a couple hundred new roommates had moved in overnight. B*stards! Now if I had a *reasonable* landlady, then this wouldn't be too much of a big deal. However, this is far from my reality (For evidence, check out: A New World of Renting Blues in the archives.) And just as an added little cherry on that shit-sundae, Noel has a fear of ants, in particular. During a trip to Palm Desert, California when she was 2 years old, she was terrorized by a mini biting ant that crawled up her little leg. She cried about it for a minute or two before we could locate the problem. "The problem" had been biting it's way around her ankle. Ohh, my poor little girl...*concerned, sweet eyes* So now we'll be bunking with hundreds of his relatives until I get this sorted...huh. *sigh*

However, my mood was greatly tamed by the raining flower petals, as I strolled about doing the morning routine. It was lovely: the world had gone pink and fluttery.
And then to finish off getting me back into line, I decided that it was going to be an ipod-laden, dance-music kinda day. There have *already* been several dance breaks and I plan to use that as my crutch ALL DAY. *shakes her ass* ;)

Wednesday, May 11, 2005



There were no fun-intentions for the journey yesterday, however it was
inevitably going to be a blast compared to another day in the office.
And the trip went off quite smoothly-save for the brief moment of
poll-position style manuevering to avoid the large, flying tire bits.
But take a looksee here at the pictures, taken mid-drive (Yes, yes-
Bad BBFK for driving and shooting pics, I know!)


BTW, this is Pennsylvania, RT-80. Quite a scenic drive, actually...

Monday, May 09, 2005

Ripping My Pants Off and The Continuing Boy-Saga

I sweat my way through the entirety of work today. It's just THAT bad. But, the most perspiration-inducing event occurred in the bathroom. NO, yuck-it wasn't that (girls are made of sugar and spice). *wink* It was simply that I'd been so frenzied all day that there was no potty break time and when "taking a pee" managed to make it to the top of the cue, my pants became quite disagreeable. You see I'm lazy and cheap, so although I'd broken the zipper pull weeks ago and then had the clasp on the pants go faulty as well, I *still* wore the damn pants to work. (I mean they look good and there was nothing hanging out, so why the hell not?) It wasn't the first time that I wore them in a questionable state, however, it *was* the first time that the zipper absolutely REFUSED to budge and was completely stuck in the "up" position. After pondering the possible solutions, I decided to bring my problem to the receptionist (who, fortunately, is used to just laughing at me and my quandaries.) We managed to find a very effective tool to remedy the situation [Take note!]- staple-removers do a solid job as a stubborn-zipper-fixer. It was damn good that that solution came up quickly, because I was about to yank the damn thing open, hang out the rest of the day, and go down in a blaze of glory (because it's already been well-established that even a bit of skin is a no-no (check out the midriff post)...but see if I give a fuck, at this point if I get canned. (Did I mention that work was THAT bad?)


Just a little ways down the road, Noel was involved in a bit of a Cinderella story. Hearsay has it that while on the jaunt between the playground and the school, Noel managed to lose her slipper. Luckily, her Prince (a.k.a Big Boy Bryant...oh, but don't ALL the boys wish to be so named. but I digress...) came to my little maiden's rescue. He ran out of line and declared while on his search, "I need to find Noel's shoe!" Chivalry *isn't* dead. ;)

Sunday, May 08, 2005


As the weekend has not finished off yet, it's only fair to bulk up the list from the week. Fortunately, I'd only like to add to the
Cool Things 'Bout This Week portion:

7.) Three random people told me Happy Mother's Day today, as well as my out-of-town best guy friend, who called specifically for that purpose.

8.) A random cute guy bothered to "rescue" the toy that was left behind in the restaurant that we ate in this evening. He came out to the parking lot running with the toy held above his head...very sweet.

9.) The boy that was mentioned in #5 may have figured out that I have a thing for him, and is seemingly OK with this news. That's aways good, aye?

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Boiled to a list

Cool Things 'Bout This Week:
1.) The woman that expressly stopped me to tell me that my bumper stick was excellent.
(Picture 1)
2.) Flowers. ;) (Picture 2)
3.) The student that described my tutoring sessions with her as a "chem parrrrrty!"
4.) The same student informing me that belly-rings are still the rage.
*BBFK strikes the attitude-filled, I-still-rock pose*
5.) The development of a *raging* crush on a boy I've never met. (OK, and it's not Corey Haim, if you're guessing. I got over
him a loooong time ago. OK, well at *least* by this time last year. ;) j/k )
6.) Watching Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy. How can you NOT adore a film who's opening song is "So long, Thanks for the
Fish" with the visual of dolphins flipping and then beaming up to outerspace? And the British boy-American girl pairing-
mmm, yum.
Honorable Mention:
1.) Noel telling a teacher, "I need my Big Boy Byrant!" My girl, the flirt! Funny as hell, mind you, but the implications for the
future scare the shit out of me...

Not So Cool Things:
1.) Being ridden like a dog at work, despite working my ass off. [Note to self: start my own business. Like really, and NOW.]

Picture 1

Picture 1

Picture 2

Picture 2

Friday, May 06, 2005

The Shina-esque Post

The Shina-esque Post

Flowering trees? Check.


Tulips? Check.


Aesthetically beautiful food? What can I say? I can't get it all
right. The woman can be emulated, never duplicated. Check her out.

All these trees and flowers are actually the regular fare. The
flowers are juxtaposed to this stop light that I get caught at
everyday...but nice view, aye? And the trees are on the corner of the
treacherous street. It all *looks* so harmless. In fact, the beauty
of the trees makes it *more* dangerous: you certainly could be caught
unawares, while admiring the view, to suddenly find yourself made air
born by the most recent trophy wife, shopping fiend, SUV-driving,
self-serving bitch that turns the corner. Did that last bit put you
on track about thinking it's a good idea to live here?

Monday, May 02, 2005

The NYC wrap-up (before it's completely old news)

Things I had to Troubleshoot:
1.) The noncompliant shirt (No, showing bra is NOT the new hipster-thang): I had to get all girl-scouty on my tank top, as I managed to break the strap and my bracelet [insert swear here] in a matter of a minute. It was sort of a disconcerting way to start the day, but I was determined to wear what I wanted (minus the bracelet.)
2.) The lack of car. Sunday's adventures included parking in a admittedly weird spot (but hey! 4 other people did it...yeah, that excuse didn't work with my parents either, back in the day) and then coming back 3.5 hours later to no vehicle. My friends escorted me to the public safety office, while reporting that neighbors had complained that there wasn't ENOUGH towing recently. Well, I'm damn glad they turned a new leaf for little ole' me...

Things I Enjoyed Immensely:
1.) Trip to the Natural History Museum/Planatarium. OK, ok, I *may* have fallen asleep during part of the Star Show, but both the snooze and the non-snooze parts were good. And a better-than-honorable mention goes to the "scales" exhibit, where they attempt to convey how large the universe is and how small an electron is. Oh, and the exhibit on biodiversity and dinosaur fossils rocked as well. Liked i, liked it, liked it!
2.) Eating a Russian/English Easter Brunch. (Russian orthodox uses a Julian calendar for holidays, so they're behind Catholic-Easter sometimes, BTW. ) I had a sweet bread called kulich and an accompanying sweet cheese spread called paskha (Russsian) and English Trifle, as well. Oh, and some borsht that was to die for. ALL from scratch. My friend is basically Laura Ingalls Wilder in the City. Case in point: She makes her own goat cheese.

Things That Almost Got me Killed:
1.) Texting while driving. Well, not really, there were no "close-calls" to speak of, however, thinking back on it, it just doesn't seem like a bright idea. (Although, at the time I thought it was absolutely brilliant.) My British girlfriend tells me she can text with her eyes closed. I, on the other hand, am such a novice that it takes me a solid 2 minutes to spell out H-E-L-L-O. ;)

And that's the recap, boys and girls.

Baby, you don't know where it's been.

Stepping onto the street of NYC, the first words escaping my lips were: "Don't trip on the trash, Noel" causing a ripple of laughter through my little posse. Don't get me wrong, NYC is lovely, but not in a let-me-put-my-arms-around-it and rub-my-body- all-over-it kind of way. (Not that I really do that to anything, mind you. That was just an EXAMPLE.)
So we hit the town. Although, that's mostly a lie. I think it was less town and more *subway* system that we *hit*, really. We spent upwards of 3 hours just getting our bodies to our destination. Just one way. NYC foiled us subway novices by hosting a walk/run/save-your-favorite-organ charity event between 59th and 125th, shutting down all local subway uptown travel. That meant we had to bypass where we *really* wanted to get off by many stops and then come back around. I think we transferred cars at least 4 times, with the longest ride being in the overpowering pee-perfumed car with the suspicious wet-drippy seat. It was pretty amusing watching new arrivals get their first whiff of the stench, because by then I had mostly acclimated. In fact, by the end, I could hardly tell that the car was a stench-fest. It did, however, remind me of my last NYC trip. We were on the train when I had to break out the good ole' parental, "Noel, don't touch the condom-balloon."

Sunday, May 01, 2005

It's like being a Catholic School Girl again.

It's like being a Catholic School Girl again.

This weekend has been a spiral back in time. My brother's in town and
it's been a bit of an adventure. Now, when the toilet is flushed, the
water rises *up*. ;) (He's accompanied by 2 other guy friends, and
they're all bunking at my place.) But coming from a large catholic
family, it feels kind of normal (not that the toilet was always
clogged back in the day, but I do have 2 brothers....). I'm back in a
zone where I get teased when I get a call from a boy. Of course,
there has been lots of help with any kind of lifting that has been
required and a fruit basket and fudge, as well. But having said that,
the adventure continues...I need to book outta here to grab the next
train to NYC (again). Today's the big bike tour (42 miles) and I've
promised to be cheering at the finish line...

Oh, and for your enjoyment and education: here is a picture of my
brother sipping some bubble tea. He had an unconvinced look on his
face the entire time, which is not a good sign, considering this
particular bubble tea ranked within my top 5 of all times. It was
supposedly a papaya flavored tea, however, I am convinced that it was
really essence-of-fruit-loops with tapioca balls (those black bits on
the bottom). Mmmm, good...

My blankie, my penis

OK, well it's obviously not *mine*-it was sorta borrowed, which begs the question: "Should you really be "borrowing* that sort of thing?" I mean isn't it gross to give it back half-used? As a matter of principle, don't you think you should prevent it's future acquisition in a second-hand store? And CAN you clean it *enough*, really? (Most of Jay's readers think not.) Anyways, here's a perspective on it....