Wedding Highjinx

Wedding Highjinx,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

I'll tell ya upfront, transportation issues were the theme of the day.

In fact *everything* went swimmingly right up until we needed to get

to the church. I found the fact that 4 bridesmaids and a bride were

*ahead* of schedule in the makeup/hair/dress up department to be a

near unmatchable feat on a wedding day. It unfortunately just

lengthened the seemingly endless time that we waited for the limo that

never came. At 1:40pm my lovely sister was told that the stretch limo

had broken down on the highway, but would arrive in 20 minutes. The

hitherto calm bride immediately went into well-deserved

hysterical-mode, as 2:00pm was the start time for her wedding

ceremony. We recruited the Marriot van at that point, glamorous as it

was, and were laughing before we reached the church.



We barely lasted through the ceremony. And no I'm not moaning about a

preachy Protestant sermon (actually the priest took a novel approach:

he recited an epic rhyming poem about the couple) or about screechy

kids (Noel was a star and quietly swung her white-dress adorned body

while standing with the bridal party in the front of the church), or

even about a corny, folk-group singing squad (a lovely hand-bell choir

had been recruited for the occasion), rather I'm talking about the <90

degree heat and the non-moving air in the unconditioned church. Sweat

rolled down even the children's faces and created dark stains on

everyone's fancy frocks. We happily emerged from the service to soft

breezes, light rain, and NO limousine. A battery of calls and enough

time for a photo-shoot later, we found a replacement parked out front.

The limo could not be revived, and a "limo" bus had been sent as a

replacement. It was roomy, however, it did not have the panache of

the classic limo, well, especially when the front hood was cracked

open, and a little Honda was parked in front of it with jumper cables

attached. Several tries later, the limo bus came to life, and we all

piled in, relieved to finally have a mode of transportation. Our

brief foray around town for more scenic pictures gave us a glimpse of

our intended stretch limo as it was gingerly being towed from its

resting place on the highway. We giggled.



The reception was flavored with guests that entertained and inspired.

(?!) There was the dedicated wicken-boy who went so far as to file

down his teeth to shape fangs, then the stubbornly bitter cousin who

STILL sits alone at the bar sucking down as much free liquor as

possible-even though she's just a few months from turning 40, and the

suede-dress clad Amazon woman who rocked her body on the dance floor

like she needed a pole. Oh, wait-I forgot, I DID find out that she

WAS a stripper, confirming my suspicions�. Damn she was hot. I felt

no need to shake my ass, with her considerable moves on the dance

floor�.



As the reception wound down the flakey bridesmaid showed her true

colors. She slopped her wine down the front of her dress and dropped

her glass on the dance floor. Her profuse apologizes were lost as I

ushered her and her bare feet away, not allowing her to pick up the

glass; the situation was too dangerous.



Reception concluded, a shuttle safely transported the guests to their

hotels. But, oh, no, the night was not destined to end that easily.

The over-drunk bridesmaid made a $150 puke on the shuttle, disembarked

mid-trip, and gave a farewell finger to the driver. Classy.



And that, my dear friends was my little sister's wedding day.



My Lever had the pleasure of experiencing it all first hand, and had a

small encore of the transportation hassles the next evening. A

burning car on the Tappan-Zee bridge left us sitting for hours,

moaning and then celebrating his missed transatlantic flight.

A little survey

Have you ever tried dog food?
Come-on.............Own up!!
I did. I was probably around 8 years old at the time.
Now your turn...
Oh, and feel free to admit to the consumption of any other questionable substances. At first I was thinking of other pet foods, but why limit this confessional? ;)

On an unrelated note, my current favorite medical magazine, is now the Journal of Hand Therapy. I'm definitely ranked "13 year old boy" when it comes to maturity.

Champagne-Room Barbie

Champagne-Room Barbie,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Tonight *could* have been a historical BBFK moment in a disastrous,

likely unprecedented way. I was doing my usual jog around the

neighborhood street, pushing a stroller full of Noel, when I noticed a

smallish, cat-like animal in the middle of the road blocking my path.

My instinctual alarms went off, but I was bullheaded and determined

not to break my stride (mostly because once I do, there is only a 50%

chance that I'll start up again). When I was 2 feet away I noticed

that the entire animal was black, with the exception of a bit of white

on his or her tail.... I then recalled the heinous smell that wafted

through my window the previous night. Fortunately, the skunk chose to

skitter-off instead of spraying me and my poor, unsuspecting, asleep,

3 year old.



So, the associated pictures were taken on the ferry-trip to Long

Island this past weekend. It was lovely, I'd like to report (and

thanks for asking darling, Rebekah). The food was good, no cars were

towed, and my friends were delighted to find a garage sale chock-full

of plastic goods to feed their barbie fetish (I'll have you know, Noel

and I escaped Barbie-free. *happy sigh*) Did you know that there

exists a champagne-room barbie van, complete with revolving bar stools

and a disco ball? My friends stopped themselves from buying that even

for a bargain 5 dollar price and went with the barbie VW bus, instead.



Anyways, I'd like to make a public apology to anyone that I owe an

email to. I still dig you, but the 1000-word days that I've been

putting in at work, have sucked all the email and blog life out of

me...well most of it anyways. For those of you who've received an

email in the last three days, you've gotten the star treatment; any

people with an email from me in the last week is on my special list;

anyone who hasn't heard from me in the last month shouldn't despair

yet, and if you've heard from me in the last 24 hours then you must be

my sweetheart, Lever. ;)

Takin' the piss out of....er....Top Ten Classic Moments with Lever

1.) Arriving in London to find him waiting for me with a "blogger" shirt on and a dozen pink roses in his hand.
2.) Texting me while bike riding in a forest and sending me a *woody kiss.* (his words)
3.) Making out with me on a mostly empty train ride in NYC. (New Yorkers can handle a little steamy-ness.)
4.) Every time he says *just* what I was about to say.
5.) Attempting to lay a kiss on my Mom's cheek and landing on her lips instead.
6.) Farting on my hand while we're saying goodbye in the airport parking lot of the JFK airport.
7.) Making out in the rain in the middle of a (not busy) street in Bath. He got soaked, as he'd loaned the foolish American-in-England his parka.
8.) Every time random people strike up conversations with us. This happens regularly in the BBFK/Lever world.
9.) Giving (correct) directions to 3 different, inquiring people in NYC, having been in the country a full 5 hours.
10.) Falling asleep while conversing with me on the phone last night. And *yes* he snores.

K. Gotta pack up. I'm off to wreak havoc...er....adventure on Long Island. Be back soon. *kiss* Play amongst yourselves...

after work

I'm in *that* sort of mood. I just literally spilled some milk and thought, "ah, that felt refreshing on my foot." *laughing at self...*
I managed to escape work unscathed today. At the end, it was like someone released a rottweiler into a small den of cats. I just gathered my belongings, slunk out as quietly as possible, and left the ladies to stew in their own self-loathing that gets reflected in their bitch-ass behavior.
Today's observation, as I walked down the treacherous walk between my work and Noel's school, was that the cops around these here parts are particularly useless. I've had dealings with them several times now, but were they around when an SUV hit Noel and I as we strolled down the street?(No); were they present when an SUV was inches away from my body as I walked across the pedestrian walk? (NO!); and finally were they present as 2, mind you-two cars!!, drove in the wrong direction down the one way street yesterday? Um, yeah, the cop was practically flirting with the ladies, judging by the glances exxhanged...I guess that would be why he did NOTHING about it. Bleah to that. I'm sure he'll be around to throw tickets on parked cars tomorrow, though.

Rosey fringe around a bad clustering

Let me just start by saying that I'm happy. I had an amazing time away from work for most of last week, and I'm in love in a way that I thought was only possible for highschoolers (not jaded 30-somethings). I've had several publications come out or be accepted for publication in the last 3 weeks, and had quality time with my siblings for several days. (Yes I am aware that I'm supposed to dislike that; I never said that I'm not strange.)

But I still *don't* like it when......

In quick succession, I arrive home and sift through my mail to find an exorbitant bank fee and a credit card bill that is growing faster than the dandelions in my yard. Then, the doorbell rings to reveal a young man trying to foist some educational books off on me, for his internship which he describes as a "personal growth experience", directly followed by the next door lady handing me a catalogue of candle knick-knacks she's trying to sell (complete with the guilt trip that she faithfully watches my daughter when I need her to). Swallow *that* within a 10 minute period. It was a hard pill...need I spell it out? *I'm f*cking poor, people! I'm a single Mom living in an expensive town. I skimp on things like paying for TV service, for gods sake!* On a happy note, the DVD player that was also broken by a not-to-be-named-sweetie-pie-3-year-old within that same 10 minute time period, was disassembled and put into working order by lil' ole' me, tonight. *sigh of relief* I was about to chalk it up to 2 downed DVD players in one year (she managed to take out the portable one a couple months ago.)

Then this morning, while I was escorting the very big, hairy, black spider out of my house that Noel pointed out (imagine a yell: "Mom! There's an ant!!!"...Ok, she at least got the insect part right) my fire alarm went off. I mean WTF! I wasn't even cooking anything, much less lighting fires....

The last clustering to report weighs heavier than the others, but is way less fun to write about. Just the typical overburdened writer-girl scenario. I've gotten loaded up with too many manuscripts that have the same deadline, concurrent with other little projects that manage to usurp way more time than you'd think possible. See I'm drooling just writing about it. I need to stop before I get everyone's keyboards wet... ;)

Yeah, and stop I will. I can’t BELIEVE I’m forsaking quality time with my Harry Potter book for blogging! That's a change in priorities that I never would have predicted. I definitely need blog-a-holics anonymous, it’s confirmed.

Whew

OK, just to be thorough, I thought I'd give you the final report for the day. I *did* in fact, accomplish what I had set out to do. 'Course now is the time that I sheepishly admit that I fell asleep during the conference call (see previous post). That's right. That call with 5 medical doctors, a client, and 2 co-workers scheduled from 8:30 to 10:30pm. I walked Noel 2 godzillion times (and yes that is an accurate count) around the loop on my street in order to keep her entertained and induce sleep, while on my cell listening in on the conference. Well, at the 2 godzillionth lap minus one, I decided I needed to stop. And no, Noel's eyes were still not *even* droopy. So I gently placed the phone on the counter, put Noel in bed, gently picked up the phone again, and laid in bed with her. That was the last thing that I remembered. I woke up at 10:34pm to a dead phone. I guess the batteries went...hopefully *before* I started snoring. Can't wait to suss out if they noticed anything odd during the call, tomorrow...

I didn't let it end there. Once I was conscience enough, I decided that some gluing was in order. You see, my sis-my beautiful, wonderful little sister-is getting married on Saturday and I'm in charge of making the veil. But man, being a perfectionist, gluing trim to veil material can really make you sweat (especially when it's 2000 degrees in my apartment already....do you like how scientific I am with my numbers tonight? No units, no sig figs...) So there I was half-naked gluing...do you remember those shirts that were "naked" versions of all different sports? I think naked gluing could be the new rage, aye?

Classic BBFK

Classic BBFK,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

I am not one for planning; I'm especially terrible at keeping a

schedule. My daughter consistently makes use of this fact and uses

her wily ways to stay up until 11pm on some nights, even *shudder*

very, occasionally- to midnight. Regimented anything is just not me.

In fact, you can pretty much guarantee that I'll be 10 minutes late to

anything that I need to arrive to, regardless of how important it is

to be on time. I'm very reliably 10 minutes late.



Anyways, I'm in a zone, currently, where I have SO much to accomplish,

that I've literally had to do the very dull task of planning out when

I could run to the bank, when I could meet with the babysitter, when I

would attempt to tire Noel out before the 2 hour conference call, etc.

(I'm drooling with boredom just thinking about it again.) So in my

time slot where I was scheduled to start the pizza dough for dinner, I

was thrown for a classic-BBFK-loop. You see that little photo that's

associated with this? Click on it. Then you'll clearly see that my

kitchen sink faucet fell off. That's right. You've read just what

you thought you read. You see, i was doing a damn solid job of this

(crap) schedule thing, when suddenly the faucet was in my hand and

water was on the ceiling. And, I just didn't have a "re-attach

faucet" time slot scheduled in. What *was* I thinking..... Now do you

understand my world? *laughing....*

Random Nuggets From the Weekend

1.) Boy Insight: I recently learned that when my friend thinks, "Oh, I wonder what this girl from my past is up to now...", he does a google *image* search, in case they swtitched to a porn star career path. Nice...he's an optimist. Most people assume that old flames bulged out and wrinkled up as they hit their metabolism-wall and rounded their upper thirties....

2.) Sales mentality: In an effort to get me to buy matching underwear, a sales clerk pulled out all the stops. She wasn't thwarted by "I don't wear thongs." No. She then pitched the ole', "This is a great starter thong!" idea. Wha? There are *trainer* thongs? Is this like a trainer bra or those rubber spoons and forks babies use when they first start eating solid food? Oh, and I love the idea that you could be hooked on wearing thongs. "This one will get you started, but then you won't be able to stop! Your whole way of life will soon change..."

3.) The first thing out of the lips of my babe this morning was, "I'm making a muscle!", as she put her arm in the air and flexed..er...well, I'm assuming there was flexing. It's hard to tell on a 3-yr-old. I was still impressed. ;)

Days that are gone but not forgotten

Fwd: days that are gone but not forgotten,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

There's been much that's happened of late that I haven't been able to

blog-log. I've been paralyzed into inaction by the hovering

guilt-cloud of an ugly manuscript that's been rearing its head.

Fortunately, the bastard (and I only call it that because it happens

to be on a crap topic) is on its last moments of the BBFK-respirator

and will soon be breathing on its own (for better or worse, I might

say). In early celebration, I figured I might start writing what I

*want* to write about, starting with the closing moments of my Free

Fallin' weekend (which I might add, no one guessed the concert that I

attended, yet...feel free to dig in...)



So cue up your Erasure and read on....



.......Gay Pride............



P and I, in our best attempt at pretending to *like* mornings, peeled

our bodies off of our respective hard surfaces: the floor and fold-out

chair. We shook off our alcohol-clouded heads, assembled our randomly

scattered belongings, and hit the local Hot Bagels. East coast bagels

hit the spot like no other breakfast food can, save maybe a good

English scone, and we were convinced and energized enough to plod on.

So off we went to our next destinations: the semi-local basketball

courts and outdoor running path. And run I did. Five miles worth of

it, fortunately through a nicely wooded section and with occasional

breaks for water. The cool-down mile walk was even accessorized with

some lovely company from another continent.



Fast-forward ahead past the non-movie worthy portions of the day, and

there we were driving North, on the road to NYC. My karma (damn, I

was a bastard in a previous life) kicked up then, and poor P found

himself with a ticket in hand, poor man. Yay, for a lack of towing

that weekend, but REALLY, going 12 miles over the speed limit is not a

big deal when you're on the highway and the speed limit is a lame

55mph anyways.



Once we did a little off-roading style crossing of a median, got lost,

and found, we managed to get into the least car-dense bridge or tunnel

leaving New Jersey. NYC was another matter though. Gay pride was all

hot and heavy, strutting through 5th Ave intermittently, between

stop-and-go traffic. I jumped out and into the fray. And oh, was it

worth it! There were gay versions of everything...gay rugby, gay

volleyball, gay volleyball, gay Jewish, gay Episcopalians...it went on

and on by genre. There were hotties and thongs and sweat (including

on me, at >92 degrees F), and loud thumping *good* dance music, and

unwanted freebies, and squirting water, and cops. It was all I could

hope for on a sunny Sunday on my own.

(My apologies to the heterosexual males. The parade offered next to no

eye candy for anyone other than gay men and heterosexual woman.)

Keep a straight face over this....

Keep a straight face over this....,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Dare ya!

This was last night's amusement

(And yes, she's squeezed both legs into *one* pantleg AND doned the

shirt as a hat...)

Flakiness

Noel caused me to have a conniption yesterday.

It was a classic moment between us. We had been shoe shopping, partially in further preparation for my sister's wedding and in part because that it what you do every season change when you have a growing 3-year-old. So after accomplishing our white shoes and new sandal purchase, we started hiking it out of the store. I wasn't surprised when the escalator coming into view caused Noel almost to convulse with excitement over the possibilities. I knew the happiness that a little ride would bring, so although it was a detour, we set off for the escalator. I hopped on, and apparently didn't have a solid grip on her little hand, because she wasn't with me in the continual downward movement. I called for her and she donned a trepidations look and refused. As I had gone 8 feet down at this point, I started running up the escalor (*sarcasm*a fun exercise in futility) and got within inches, but managed to grab her doll, and not her. I kept cajoling her to jump on, meanwhile. Two more failed attempts at swiping her later and a line behind Noel, and I was getting *very* frustrated. A nice black woman finally took her hand and remedied the situation. 'Course we immediately had to get on the "up" escalator. *blood pressure raises just remembering* Right. That first escalator ride only happened because why? I needed a new spatula in the kitchen appliance section or a new push-up bra in the downstairs section of the department store. Um, NO!!