The Doctor is IN.

The Doctor is IN.,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Here is the scene:

Playdate number 4: Noel's pad.

After wreaking havoc by extracting every toy in the house from its

original location or container, Big Boy Bryant and Noel engage in a

round of Doctor/Patient, where Noel plays the sick one.

Let me stress: This was a well-supervised activity.



And now it's time for the "I rock"-dance 'cause, directly after all

that play, I successfully fed BBB pasta followed by freshly baked

scones. AND HE ASKED FOR MORE. That was my proudest moment of the

first half of December.

Holiday Happy

There were two things that were very pleasing tonight.

First, I managed to purchase a St. Nicholas present for Noel, right
under her nose. The pharmacist was even in on it, and hid the present
from view. I love collaborative efforts to surprise people,
especially when it involves the help of random, nice people.

Second, during our dinner out, the Christmas tunes revolved to the
song "Noel, Noel". You should have seen my girl's (Noel's) face! She
had an adorable, almost 4-year-old expression that was a mixture of
shyness and extreme happiness. Her grin was blazing...

*satisfied sigh*
oooo, these things make me happy...

1000-mile crankiness

I arrived home last night at 6pm to find competition for parking in my own driveway. I might have been more cordial about the situation, had I not been driving since 8:30am. It was probably the attitude induced by the 1000 mile roundtrip journey that spurred me to have the following conversation....

"Oh, hi. You're S's Mom, aye? Nice to meet you. Don't worry about parking in my spot. Actually, this is a very fortuitous meeting, as I was getting progressively worried about S and have been hoping to speak to someone close to her. I have heard escalating screams and pounding noises at early-morning and late-night hours, and was concerned about her welfare. Has she been OK?" *dumb-blonde BLINK BLINK*

*devious grin to self*

New-fangled Pet

New-fangled Pet,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Statements uttered by Noel that led up to the

"appropriate-fun-with-the-fish" talk:



#1. "I'll sleep with my fishy ALL night!"

#2. "I can tickle my fishy."

#3. "I want to take my fishy for a walk."

#4. And some garbled speech (she was going on and on while seating in

the back of the car, as I was driving) combined with talk of a "fishy

bandage."



Note: The fish has successfully lived in our possession for a full 10 days now.

Wind me Up

The little lady has found a new tactic to TRY to wind me up. (I say TRY because it was early in the morning and I have to muster the small rements of energy available and focus in order to break for a red light, much less respond to a comment. *wink*)

Yeah.
SO.
We're driving along when the little lady says, "Carby is a slow car."
[Note: "Carby" is my Honda Civic.]
Followed by, "Make him go faster."

*sigh*
A.) Telling a speed queen that her car is slow can be a terrible blow. I like to pretend.

B.) There are limitations. By limitations, I mean traffic. By traffic, I mean that I live in the goddamn, overcrowded, too-densely-populated NorthEast, where assholes drive their Eddie Bauer, BMW, SUV-monstrosities and run over babies on the sidewalk.

Looks like she's taking after me...well, this time. She also hates amusement park rides and swing sets. *shakes head* I don't get that.

Cheese up, meatballs down

Cheese up, meatballs down,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Noel and Big Boy Bryant have been scheming for ages, planting ideas in

each of the respective Mom's minds that the other expects a visit to

happen (fortunately the babyschool teachers are informants to this

trickery). Anyways, a visit to Noel's house did happen one evening.

Now, I *know* that the lovely Noel quite fancies BBB, but as a sage

friend of mine once uttered: boys with exotic eating habits are

difficult to feed and hence, keep. And BBB is certainly picky as HELL.

Show me a kid who doesn't like pizza, huh? Well, this young

gentleman, even having had the privilege of being the toppings-picker,

STILL managed to consume only a single bite. (He specifically directed

that his pizza should have the cheese on top, with meatballs

underneath.) And TRUST me there's almost nothing that makes me feel

like more of an ass than sending a child back to their parents hungry.

[P.S. I deserve an extra gold star for this post...I mean *you* try

and compose sentences over the sounds of multiple, pounding,

his-and-her orgasms and see how far you get...

P.S.S. I deserve a bit of coddling tonight, so I appreciate any love

you have to give. BOTH people that I spoke with this evening fell

asleep while we were talking. That's right. Two for two. SNORING,

loudly. *sigh*]

My (clean) Sister Riding the Mattress

My (clean) Sister Riding the Mattress,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

OK, OK.This actually happened over a week and a half ago. But I'm

still sent into fits of laughter when I view this photo. I had to

share.



In unrelated, more recent news, my upstairs neighbor moved her

boyfriend in this weekend. I've already been treated to bouts of the

most musical, piercing orgasmic-screams that I've ever heard. At 2:00

in the morning.



I feel strange when I run into my neighbors. I hardly know anything

about them, although we've lived in the same house for over a year. I

do know what their sex sounds like, though. Hardly a good

conversation piece.

My names based on transcripts

First: Backi
Last: Boston, Rockland, Bockman, Batmon, Bucklin

I must have garbled speech...maybe I should take a few of the marbles out of my mouth. ;)

[Note: None of these are my actual name.]

An Indian Princess and Flapper Halloween

A Indian Princess and Flapper Halloween,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Happy Halloween, y'all!

October CHECKlist

-buy stash of variety of Halloween chocolate (all chocolate-based, of course)
CHECK
-don bat ring
CHECK
-hang ghost and Frankenstein lights
CHECK
-buy daughter costume that will inspire extra generosity during trick-or-treating
CHECK
-light Halloween candles
CHECK
-rent slasher movie
CHECK
-buy skeleton cookie cake with gummy brains for Halloween party
CHECK
-have strong, hunky man to retrieve laundry from dungeon-style basement and consume enough candy to rescue me from gaining 5 pounds
*sigh*

Treatment: Good

...a lovely, tiny Indian lady made a right hand turn in front of me, as I was about to step into the intersection's crosswalk. She blew me a kiss, but I'd already forgiven her.

...a friendly store owner of a Halloween-themed shop let me enter his store at 10 minutes until closing. I quickly found the dress that I had been searching for (online, and in many stores), and was overjoyed about the way it fit—until I looked at the price. I sheepishly mentioned that I found the price to be high and the store owner offered me a 10% discount. I said, "Really?!?", all wide-eyed, and he said, "Yeah. Why not?!"

Leftover strippers (do we get a doggy bag for that?)

Leftover strippers (do we get a doggy bag for that?),
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

*Memorable statements made just yesterday...*

It's tastes better through the little hole in the top.

-Lever

It's OK, I put my tongue on it.

-BBFK

It's not poop. (The words uttered moments before the accompanying

photograph was taken...)

-NoE

ABsurdity

*huge sheepish grin*
Man, I've missed you guys. No, I wasn't being held down by an enormous boulder (the sort of object that you would expect would be needed to keep me away from y'all), rather, there's just been too much a-happenin. Weddings of close friends, best friends having a stay-over, excursions to other countries (yes, Canada counts-even if you live in New England *wink*)...lots of stuff, all of which I had the good intention of reporting on.
In the meantime, I let slip by October 6th—the anniversary of when I started blogging. And blogging has brought me all sorts of happiness in ways that I never would have dreamed, so I had the good intention of celebrating. *sigh* Six days later,and now it's my birthday, so I've finally decided to push the pile of work papers away from my elbows and blog. And now, I'm feeling the urge to gush a little bit. For example, I need to give a huge shout out to Jay for having connected me. Jay is the first person to comment on my blog, and surprisingly enough, even come back for more. *wink* Without her, I likely would have let the whole thing be a quick phase. Instead, with little nuggets of encouragement, I kept on and met some incredibly funny, witty, sweet, clever, shocking, deep, priceless, wonderful, charming, and keen people. And then of course, there's the boy. *laughing...* You guys and gals have provided entertainment in a place where I expected none, friendship greater than I could have imagined, and adventures worth documenting. All from the internet....how wacky.
K. I'll try to stop my girly-rant and get back to biting commentary. In the meantime, I'll point you to a good, albeit completely unrelated story that caught my fancy today...

Bumblefucking about

So, I thought I should update you guys on the cheating boy situation from this post. Quite soon after the slip of my tongue revealed the philandering nature of her boyfriend, J asked me to keep an eye out on the boy (not a hard task, considering a glance out of my window would do the trick.) The philandering boyfriend (PBF, from here out) was up to his tricks straight away. Although I was gone to NYC most of the weekend, I managed to pull into my driveway at a late night hour that directly coincided with PBF arriving home, driving the other girl's (OG) car. Now because my lovely friend J was pondering marrying PBF after their 7-year-relationship, I decided that I would humor her request for a report-she should at least be fully informed about what she was signing onto. As J and I were talking, PBF and OG got back into his car and drove off. J knew where they were going and decided to seize the opportunity to make the 2 extremely uncomfortable....she drove by them in the opposite direction, and waved and honked in a nice, friendly way while flipping her long, blonde locks.
In the end J and PBF ended their relationship and lovely J began the mourning process (She proceeded to lose 7 pounds in the next week, stopped sleeping, engaged in overthinking everything...ya know the routine.) *sigh* Poor girl. Cheating is just one of those things that I fucking hate.

Blam...er....Thank Rebekah for This one….*wink*

Seven Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1.) travel, travel, travel (Turkey, Alaska, Australia, Hawaii, Colorado, a tropical forest, etc.…….)
2.) crochet something for good (i.e. some sexy top/skirt with the holes in all the right places…..reference: Heather Graham’s hot dress in Austin Powers) [Note: crochet for evil involves potholders and Kleenex-box covers, mainly]
3.) see Noel grow up, not turn out weird, and still want to hang-out with me
4.) have a job where I am respected and earn enough money (see #1)
5.) make a noticeable difference in a worthy organization. I’m thinking non-for-profit, maybe medically-related…
6.) live in a beautiful reclusive place in the wilderness and write
7.) marry my best friend

Things I Can Do
1.) run a radio show-including programming and dialogue
2.) run a polyacrylamide gel
3.) write a medical manuscript and have it published
4.) tie a knot with a cherry stem….no hands, just tongue
5.) make a wedding veil
6.) play the clarinet
7.) throw a baseball like a boy (I’ve been hit on for my softball skillz. *wink*)

Things I Cannot Do
1.) go a week without bruising myself
2.) whistle
3.) show up on time
4.) stop myself from laughing inappropriately, or control the volume of my voice/laughter
5.) call people when I should
6.) play happy, when I’m really not
7.) fake an orgasm

Seven Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
1.) Will dance with me (oh right, that was out by the 2nd guy I dated *wink*) Nerdiness/Cleverness
2.) Kindness (especially to animals, small children, and ugly people)
3.) Similar humor appreciation
4.) Being tall and fit, and having nice hands
5.) Being into words
6.) Being into music (‘specially the stuff I like *wink*)
7.) Being able to fix things…e.g. computers, bikes, me

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1.) Wha?
2.) TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.
3.) I like it, a LOT.
4.) yuP.
5.) Solid.
6.) FUCK.
7.) Daft prick! (Well not really, but I’ve been meaning to integrate that into my speech for ages, now. *wink*)

Celebrity Crushes (although I’d pick some solid, regular time alone with Lever, over any of these boys/girl)
1.) tobey mcguire
2.) bill murray
3.) ralph fiennes
4.) giovanni ribisi
5.) minnie driver
6.) cilian murphy
7.) john malkovich

The first time...

...I read your comment on my blog, I thought, "Oh, cool-a British dude."

...I read your blog, I thought "Dear god, is this the same language I speak?" Crisps, boot-of-a-car, bollocks, lorry, lilo, queue, banger racing, wedding tackle, titting-about, gaffs, baggies...good god—where's my urban dictionary?!? Of course, some of the confusion must have just been due to a broken "u" on the keyboard, because some of the words were spelled close to the proper spelling...cheque, manouevre, colour, honour, favour...but with an extra vowel tacked in there.

...I read your email I was school-girl happy. Mmmmm, a nice, clever, polite boy is emailing me...

...I got your text, I almost crashed my car, trying to find my phone and decrypt why it was making strange noises (I was not a texting-girl.) But the words made me squeal as I swerved down the highway, trying to read it...

...I heard your voice on my answering machine, I had the compulsion to practice saying your name over and over in your accent. (I still don't have it quite right.)

...We spoke on the phone, I could hardly understand what you were saying. Although, that was partly my fault for swooning over the sound of your voice—that sort of thing shuts down my brain function, including word comprehension. It was a v. short phone call. :D

...I laid eyes on you, I was nervous as f@%k and pretty damn tired to boot. Fortunately, you're cool about handling small talk without much reinforcement. ;)

...We hugged, I thought, "He's definitely my type of boy."

...We held hands, I was like a giggly school girl. It still sends me into wild bouts of uncontrollable happiness to think about it.

...You kissed my cheek, I was on some kind of high....

SO yeah, maybe next time we meet up, we can get to second base. (Second base was considered groping, right? It's been too long since middle school)...*wicked grin* You free to cross the Atlantic, babe? Soon, pahhleaze? *eye flutter*

Anyways, my sweetheart HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Walk it off

SO.
I ran in a half marathon recently.
(where ran= moved barely faster than a walk for 7 miles and then interspersed jogging and walking for the last 6.1)

Here is the main conclusion that I came to:

RUNNERS ARE COMPLETELY NUTTERS.

supported by....

They find their running time more important than:
a.) not littering (hence THOUSANDS of cups and food wrappers all over the course)
b.) using a toilet (I witnessed many in-the-woods style piss-breaks and heard tell of some that just went in their pants.)
c.) consuming non-engineered foods such as "goo" and "aminovital" (code for nasty-ass wanna-be food products that you should never, ever subject your poor, harmless taste buds to)

Here's my defense for why I did it anyways: (athough I certainly did NOT engage in littering or peeing in weird places)
a.) I'll try *just about anything* once
b.) They had bands. MANY, many bands.
c.) My siblings all did it.
d.) It was on Virginia beach....beauuuuutiful....

The funny part is, there have been consequences. I trained for this foolish stunt (although not enough, mind you) by running the 0.1 mile loop that I live on. Yeah, laugh it up. I *DID* have to run around like a *gerbil*, completing the loop 70 times for 7 miles, for example. The funny thing is, now there's this flock of biddies that have taken to fast-walking my loop. They're a group of gossiping, older ladies that have cumulatively lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks between moving their legs and their mouths. It induces me to laugh and laugh when I see what I have caused....

Dangling

Dangling,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

For those of you on the edge of your seats over the boy-drama in this

household, I thought I'd update you with the 3rd Triple B-Looty

Lovekins date (the 2nd was at his place....so all those reports would

just be heresy *wink*). Here is is. Triple B thought the food was

terrible and LL cried her eyes out for most of the evening. There was

no sharing the cool, green bike and no agreement on a show to watch.

The marbles, however, were magic. Sending marbles into unreachable

places such as down exhaust grates, behind heavy furniture, and into

dark corners made the 3-year-olds shine.....

Heart attack

Heart attack,
originally uploaded by beckybumblefuck.

Well, I guess not this time. As long as you look and don't lick...



[Butter sculpture at the 2005 NY State Fair]

Name calling....

Noel has decided that we are going to get a dog. Furthermore, we will call this (poor) dog "SUCKA". Yes that is as in "sucker", except the in-da-hood version.

Apparently. she has been expressing genes that were not inherited from me, recently.

Also, I will keep this in mind when she has a child of her own and is responsible for naming it. I will have to keep a close eye on the situation....