5 Reasons why I would NOT want to be Pope:
1.) Um, duh. No sex.
2.) Riding in the Pope-mobile would completely blow. I *adore* long walks. I’d certainly get fat with that kind of treatment. ;)
3.) Shapeless outfits. Why bother having a curvy figure?
4.) People laying prostrate at your feet. I mean, it would get old and dysfunctional quickly. Take this example. The hair has been lacking its usual luster and shine from product buildup. I think, “Time to grab me some new shampoo.” I run around the corner to the Rome Quick-Mart for a little purchase. Suddenly, I’m tripping over my papal robes due to some block in the aisle. And there, ya go, the mart worker went all prostrate, again. Didn’t we go over this the last time I stopped by for a quick smoke and lifesavers? I’m thinking “I was only trying to buy some shampoo for god’s sake- get off the freakin’ corner store floor, buddy.”, but end up having to bless the dude and touch some nasty-ass sores that he thinks my touch will cure AND be sincere while doing it. Bugger that shit.
5.) Early morning mass with multitudes of old women-that-have-withered-into-grapes, as my way to start the day. I’d rather sleep in, thank you.
5 Reasons why I would definitely want to be Pope:
1.) Freaky, clandestine sex.
2.) Hanging with the Dali Lama.
3.) Job security.
4.) Having people take you seriously when making statements that would have the lay person committed. “I spoke with god last night and...”
5.) It’d be much easier to get my own radio show.
Pa
4 years ago
8 comments:
So, what's it to be? You gonna be pope or not?
I'd say bollocks to it...
Well, it was hard to let everybody down, but I had to bow out of the running (which caused major confusion: hence the initial black smoke). Instead, they had to go with the second choice: the German doberman (or was it some other mean breed that the British press compared Ratzinger to?)
:)
It would have cramped my style, anyways.
personally I think the bulky robes would be a plus
i would want to be pope for the italian food all the time and that cool hat...
if you did become pope, maybe you could overhaul the outfit, take in the sides a bit, shorten the robe..that sort of thing...
To think they could've had you and major upheaval in the Catholic church, and they went with the Nazi. Oh well. Your daughter would miss you if you moved to Rome.
Steering well clear of the British gutter press, I'd hazard a guess (great term that - "Hazard a guess" - ooh, dangerous!!) that it was Rotweiler...?
Oh Beck, I wanna hear yr radio show really...! Hahaha \(*o*)/
Funny, nice DJ :)
Mummy/crit: Spoken like a true (very cool) Mom.
Retarius: Yes, the prospect of having someone cooking me delish food 24/7 almost had me accept Poping, hmmm, and maybe *why* those flowing robes are the fashion trend there.
Shina: Well, actually if you did want to hear a radio show of mine, seriously, I do have some copies of a couple that I could send. Maybe even my interview with Liz Phair. Just warnign you: I'm silly when I get on the air. (God, I miss that.)
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