I'll tell ya upfront, transportation issues were the theme of the day.
In fact *everything* went swimmingly right up until we needed to get
to the church. I found the fact that 4 bridesmaids and a bride were
*ahead* of schedule in the makeup/hair/dress up department to be a
near unmatchable feat on a wedding day. It unfortunately just
lengthened the seemingly endless time that we waited for the limo that
never came. At 1:40pm my lovely sister was told that the stretch limo
had broken down on the highway, but would arrive in 20 minutes. The
hitherto calm bride immediately went into well-deserved
hysterical-mode, as 2:00pm was the start time for her wedding
ceremony. We recruited the Marriot van at that point, glamorous as it
was, and were laughing before we reached the church.
We barely lasted through the ceremony. And no I'm not moaning about a
preachy Protestant sermon (actually the priest took a novel approach:
he recited an epic rhyming poem about the couple) or about screechy
kids (Noel was a star and quietly swung her white-dress adorned body
while standing with the bridal party in the front of the church), or
even about a corny, folk-group singing squad (a lovely hand-bell choir
had been recruited for the occasion), rather I'm talking about the <90
degree heat and the non-moving air in the unconditioned church. Sweat
rolled down even the children's faces and created dark stains on
everyone's fancy frocks. We happily emerged from the service to soft
breezes, light rain, and NO limousine. A battery of calls and enough
time for a photo-shoot later, we found a replacement parked out front.
The limo could not be revived, and a "limo" bus had been sent as a
replacement. It was roomy, however, it did not have the panache of
the classic limo, well, especially when the front hood was cracked
open, and a little Honda was parked in front of it with jumper cables
attached. Several tries later, the limo bus came to life, and we all
piled in, relieved to finally have a mode of transportation. Our
brief foray around town for more scenic pictures gave us a glimpse of
our intended stretch limo as it was gingerly being towed from its
resting place on the highway. We giggled.
The reception was flavored with guests that entertained and inspired.
(?!) There was the dedicated wicken-boy who went so far as to file
down his teeth to shape fangs, then the stubbornly bitter cousin who
STILL sits alone at the bar sucking down as much free liquor as
possible-even though she's just a few months from turning 40, and the
suede-dress clad Amazon woman who rocked her body on the dance floor
like she needed a pole. Oh, wait-I forgot, I DID find out that she
WAS a stripper, confirming my suspicions�. Damn she was hot. I felt
no need to shake my ass, with her considerable moves on the dance
floor�.
As the reception wound down the flakey bridesmaid showed her true
colors. She slopped her wine down the front of her dress and dropped
her glass on the dance floor. Her profuse apologizes were lost as I
ushered her and her bare feet away, not allowing her to pick up the
glass; the situation was too dangerous.
Reception concluded, a shuttle safely transported the guests to their
hotels. But, oh, no, the night was not destined to end that easily.
The over-drunk bridesmaid made a $150 puke on the shuttle, disembarked
mid-trip, and gave a farewell finger to the driver. Classy.
And that, my dear friends was my little sister's wedding day.
My Lever had the pleasure of experiencing it all first hand, and had a
small encore of the transportation hassles the next evening. A
burning car on the Tappan-Zee bridge left us sitting for hours,
moaning and then celebrating his missed transatlantic flight.
